今天不经意的从收音机听到一首非常怀念的歌，一首总能勾起我成长岁月美丽回忆的歌。
听着听着，一丝丝脆片般般的回忆渐渐地涌上心头。
年幼时的我住在牛车水一带。由于父母双职，所以外婆便成为了我的兼顾人。外婆的朋友大多都住在牛车水，所以牛车岁便成了我追随外婆脚步的地方。她时常到牛车水做凛凛种种的生活琐碎事。吃饭，打麻将，喝凉茶，买疼条，逛街，荡秋千。。。那时候的我只觉得牛车水是一个很杂吵，充满着威胁的地方。为何威胁？
你爱到一个天天都有七老八十的阿公阿婆围着你来调戏的地方吗？
然而，外婆过世已有十六年了。现在的我虽然还是住在牛车水附近，但到那里的次数却一点也不及年幼时的频率. 以前可是几乎每天都到那里。现在可能几年才去一次。
听着听着，埋在下意识里的片断一个个地浮现在眼前。
那时的人潮与繁华，坐三轮车回家的经验，熟食中心的食物，巷口的凉茶店，祖屋里的“赌档”，外婆似乎几十年前的打扮。。。
真想回到那时！
现在的我是否也在想着，讨厌过着现在的生活？白天忙忙碌碌分秒必争。晚上夜深人静时，脆弱的心灵被寂寞侵蚀。。。以前无忧无虑的生活，天天向外婆撒娇的日子可真令人向往！
想归想，但人总要活在现实。现在的牛车水也已面目全非，和当年的完全判若两人。但还好还有这首歌给与心灵上的寄托。
那这首歌到底是什么？
《情谊藏心底》-巫启贤
夜已深，我仿佛听到风雨声
一阵阵，洒落在路中寂寞人
在风里，在雨里，走过的路程
已经随着岁月的声音消失在黄昏
情不归，一个人空巷独徘徊
找不回，往日的情谊藏心底
有你的，有我的，成长的痕迹
这里埋藏过去的感情，教人心碎
生命就像流水，像轻烟慢慢延续
我的记忆却渐渐蒙上尘埃
回来的路上，不断回头望
在那依然成长的地方，以往成长的地方
从今以后，风雨有谁相伴？
从今以后，风雨有我相伴
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Ah Bee
This entry is about my brother, and this entry is meant for him.
His school sent him a letter today. It was more like a threat to be honest.
"We regret to inform you that your son is performing under expectations. He may be retained or even be transferred to the Normal Technical stream if he continues to perform badly at the year end exams." Signed by the VP of the school.
What would be anyone's first impression of him? A poor student? Poor attitude towards studies? No interest? Lazy? Stupid? Couldn't be bothered? Truancy?
I can tell you, none of the above is correct. My brother is a good boy. But he had been very much maligned, and very deprived of opportunities.
Of course as his family members we made mistakes in the choice of education so far.
Mistake 1: Choice of Primay School
We should have sent him to a better primary school. I wonder why my mum sent him to the NEAREST primary school from our house instead of much better one a few bus-stops down the road. If they could afford to send me and my sister to good primary schools so much further away from our house years ago, why the double standard for my brother?
Mistake 2: Choice of academic stream in Sec School
This one was my sole responsibility. I thought that he would benefit more by doing N(A) stream in a good neighbourhood school somewhere near our place. This would be like righting the wrongs of his primary school, because
a) Time could be saved on travelling. The extra time could be used for revision.
b) His foundations were weak. The extra year would help him a lot.
c) Why do express stream in a lousy school faraway from our house?
The initial results were rewarding. He was one of the top few students in his stream for sec 1. Unfortunately things had nosedived during his upper sec. The school inexplicably grouped students in his stream according to subject combination instead of by calibre. Thus he ended up with some of the most disruptive company in his class. He still tried his best though, but while he persevered, many of his teachers gave up. How did I know about this? I was teaching in his school before. His class was notorious. After a while, he resigned to his fate.
Then came his ECA. Inexplicably he joined a very demanding eca that took up a lot of his time. Sometimes he even came home at night.
I just got this very bad feeling that his grades will suffer. The letter we got today just confirmed it.
It wasn't fair to him really. History had shown that if he was placed in the right environment, he had the ability to do well. His sec 1 grades don't lie. Yet to put the blame of his slip solely on his class, or soley on his eca is not fair too.
The way my parents talk to him is not encouraging either. They always talk to him in a manner that he is not good enough, or he cannot do things right. They never gave him the encouragement he needed, even if it meant backing down a bit at times. Their old fashioned way of lecturing kids will not work these days. Handling kids in the 90s is different from handling kids in the 80s.
Look, given his current situation what he needs is alot more encouragement than criticism.
It is not hard to tell that he has already resigned to fate and conformed to his belief that he is just another normal stream boy not good in his studies.
Which is rubbish of course.
He can do it. Just that he fell prey to one of the fallacies of our education system - That it favours early performers than late bloomers.
All he needs is just that courage to stand up against the deprivations thrown at him since he was a boy, and give himself a try deserving of his conscience.
Why allow your selfish classmates to ruin your future for you? Yes I agree that you can't stop them from disrupting the lessons. Yes I agree that most of the precious curriculum time in class was wasted. Yes I agree that most of the teachers do not really like teaching your class.
It is a tough environment to study in compared to your sec 1 and 2 days, but if you are willing to be brave and stand up to them, you can do it, because I know you can. No one can be more qualified than me in saying those words.
Because I know you best, being your brother who grew up with you.
I also admit that I was not around in the important days of his education. I had been away from home for 6 years due to NS and uni. (Since he was primary 4 to sec 3). I had never been much of a help anyway. I always turn him away while playing my computer games. As time goes by he also stopped approaching me for help.
But,
Can you take it lying down that your selfish classmates had ruined your future for you? Can you take it lying down that you denied yourself a better future by sticking to your beliefs that you are not good enough?
Can you take it lying down or not?
I was useless, but at least I am back for the most important year. Time may not be enough, since there is only a couple of months left before the N levels start.
But I know you just need that courage to try and turn things around in such unfavourable conditions. I am not telling you to get straight As, but I know you have what it takes to get what you want.
Because you have the ability and you can do it.
All you need is just the courage to try for a better future.
His school sent him a letter today. It was more like a threat to be honest.
"We regret to inform you that your son is performing under expectations. He may be retained or even be transferred to the Normal Technical stream if he continues to perform badly at the year end exams." Signed by the VP of the school.
What would be anyone's first impression of him? A poor student? Poor attitude towards studies? No interest? Lazy? Stupid? Couldn't be bothered? Truancy?
I can tell you, none of the above is correct. My brother is a good boy. But he had been very much maligned, and very deprived of opportunities.
Of course as his family members we made mistakes in the choice of education so far.
Mistake 1: Choice of Primay School
We should have sent him to a better primary school. I wonder why my mum sent him to the NEAREST primary school from our house instead of much better one a few bus-stops down the road. If they could afford to send me and my sister to good primary schools so much further away from our house years ago, why the double standard for my brother?
Mistake 2: Choice of academic stream in Sec School
This one was my sole responsibility. I thought that he would benefit more by doing N(A) stream in a good neighbourhood school somewhere near our place. This would be like righting the wrongs of his primary school, because
a) Time could be saved on travelling. The extra time could be used for revision.
b) His foundations were weak. The extra year would help him a lot.
c) Why do express stream in a lousy school faraway from our house?
The initial results were rewarding. He was one of the top few students in his stream for sec 1. Unfortunately things had nosedived during his upper sec. The school inexplicably grouped students in his stream according to subject combination instead of by calibre. Thus he ended up with some of the most disruptive company in his class. He still tried his best though, but while he persevered, many of his teachers gave up. How did I know about this? I was teaching in his school before. His class was notorious. After a while, he resigned to his fate.
Then came his ECA. Inexplicably he joined a very demanding eca that took up a lot of his time. Sometimes he even came home at night.
I just got this very bad feeling that his grades will suffer. The letter we got today just confirmed it.
It wasn't fair to him really. History had shown that if he was placed in the right environment, he had the ability to do well. His sec 1 grades don't lie. Yet to put the blame of his slip solely on his class, or soley on his eca is not fair too.
The way my parents talk to him is not encouraging either. They always talk to him in a manner that he is not good enough, or he cannot do things right. They never gave him the encouragement he needed, even if it meant backing down a bit at times. Their old fashioned way of lecturing kids will not work these days. Handling kids in the 90s is different from handling kids in the 80s.
Look, given his current situation what he needs is alot more encouragement than criticism.
It is not hard to tell that he has already resigned to fate and conformed to his belief that he is just another normal stream boy not good in his studies.
Which is rubbish of course.
He can do it. Just that he fell prey to one of the fallacies of our education system - That it favours early performers than late bloomers.
All he needs is just that courage to stand up against the deprivations thrown at him since he was a boy, and give himself a try deserving of his conscience.
Why allow your selfish classmates to ruin your future for you? Yes I agree that you can't stop them from disrupting the lessons. Yes I agree that most of the precious curriculum time in class was wasted. Yes I agree that most of the teachers do not really like teaching your class.
It is a tough environment to study in compared to your sec 1 and 2 days, but if you are willing to be brave and stand up to them, you can do it, because I know you can. No one can be more qualified than me in saying those words.
Because I know you best, being your brother who grew up with you.
I also admit that I was not around in the important days of his education. I had been away from home for 6 years due to NS and uni. (Since he was primary 4 to sec 3). I had never been much of a help anyway. I always turn him away while playing my computer games. As time goes by he also stopped approaching me for help.
But,
Can you take it lying down that your selfish classmates had ruined your future for you? Can you take it lying down that you denied yourself a better future by sticking to your beliefs that you are not good enough?
Can you take it lying down or not?
I was useless, but at least I am back for the most important year. Time may not be enough, since there is only a couple of months left before the N levels start.
But I know you just need that courage to try and turn things around in such unfavourable conditions. I am not telling you to get straight As, but I know you have what it takes to get what you want.
Because you have the ability and you can do it.
All you need is just the courage to try for a better future.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
The Promised Land
Today I was at my weekly madness again - Run from my house to ECP Mac. I even had to firmly turn down a dinner invitation by Bollocks and Chioh to persist with my madness, much to their disappointment.
Retribution did strike me later.
I arrived at my destination in good time. I.e. It took me just around an hour to get there. Once there I got down to my usual business.
1. Buy a can of H2O from the 7 eleven.
2. Sit on one of the saloms by the beach and enjoy the well-deserved can of H2O.
3. Listen to the sound of the waves.
4. Sort out/Forget all my troubles.
5. Go to macdonald and buy chicken foldover and green tea.
6. Go home.
Usually the cabs would be waiting for me by the road. But today... today... there was a rumble for cabs. There were couples everywhere waiting for cabs. Along the same stretch of road, some pairs were ahead of me, some after me, there was even a pair hugging each other beside me! lol. Being in pairs help. Can hug to kill time while waiting for cab.
Is today Valentine's Day at ECP?
Determined not to be outdone by the hordes of couples straying further upstream to intercept my cab, I overtook them and stood in a supposedly good position.
15 mins had passed. No vacant cab came.
I wandered back to mac, and went further downstream. Another 15 mins had passed. Again no vacant cab came.
Today business was really good at ECP. I thought the crowd would usually be present only on friday and weekend nights. Maybe there could be another way to explain this phenomenum. On friday nights (which I usually do my runs), people don't have to work the next day, so they could afford to stay up and hang around at ECP. That's why I had all the cabs I wanted at around 9 plus. On thursday night, everyone had to go back early for work next day. So I had to compete with the world for cabs at around 9 plus.
I swear I will never do my runs again on anyday other than a friday night!
So how on earth am I going to get home with all these competition? If I were to faithfully just follow law and wait for a taxi to come my way with all these people around,
I will never make it back.
And I had already wasted 1 hour trying to get a cab. Time check: 2215. Usually I would have been home by 2130. Sigh.
I must get out of this place if I were to have any chance of getting a vacant cab. But without vacant cabs how am I going to get out of this place? Chicken and egg question. Lucky I am a rather unorthodox person.
Just be shameless and hitch a ride from someone and get out of this place first.
Thus I stood hawkishly at the taxi queue. The next cab that comes along I will pounce on it irregardless of whoever approaches it first.
A few minutes later, a cab came true to my expectations. A rather hostile couple went into it. The guy was clearly pissed off at having to wait so long for a cab.
Ok better not be a light bulb and antagonise a fire boar. I shall wait for the next cab to come.
My heart sank when another hostile looking couple went up to the next cab. The guy got ang kongs all over his arms. The girl smoked until she looked like a chimmey. Would I be kidnapped and sold to Desker Road if I got into this cab? But inexplicably, they got out.
The cab was not going in their direction.
A young lady reacted swiftly and pounced on the cab before me. This might be my only chance to get out of this cursed place. I better act fast. I put on my most pitiful and desperate face and opened front door of the cab.
"Miss, may I hitch a ride to wherever you are going? I desperately need to get out of here because it's so hard to get a cab!"
他妈的... Sounded so 琼瑶。It's like I will 陪你走到天涯海角like that. So mushy. I think she must be super chua dio lah.
But somehow it worked! She agreed to let me tag along free of charge! Must have been the tears (of desperation) that sparkled in my eyes which did the trick.
I triumphantly rode my way out towards Bedok. Yes I was clearly embarassed with my bold behavior, and yet grateful to the generosity of the young lady. The cab driver let me off somewhere near Tweety's house.
Now comes the key question. Was my reasoning right? i.e. It would be easier to get a vacant cab as long as I am out of ECP.
I wouldn't know for sure. My previous experience of getting vacant cabs at this area was pretty good because I used to take cabs home from my camp (which also happened to be around here).
Would I be rewarded again tonight?
Let's just cross the road, then wait and see. 5 seconds later, not 1 but 3 vacant cabs appeared out of the slip road and sped towards me! I even had the luxury of choosing which brand I wanted. Comfort, Citycab, or SMRT.
I knew I had reached the promised land.
I took the Citycab taxi home because my dad also drives for Citycab.
So here I am, drinking my brother's heartwarming campbell soup and writing all these happening stuff online. I wonder what would happen if I did not shamelessly approach that lady for help. I wonder what time would I reach home if I just followed law. In any case,
If not for that cab, I will still be drinking tears at ECP.
Retribution did strike me later.
I arrived at my destination in good time. I.e. It took me just around an hour to get there. Once there I got down to my usual business.
1. Buy a can of H2O from the 7 eleven.
2. Sit on one of the saloms by the beach and enjoy the well-deserved can of H2O.
3. Listen to the sound of the waves.
4. Sort out/Forget all my troubles.
5. Go to macdonald and buy chicken foldover and green tea.
6. Go home.
Usually the cabs would be waiting for me by the road. But today... today... there was a rumble for cabs. There were couples everywhere waiting for cabs. Along the same stretch of road, some pairs were ahead of me, some after me, there was even a pair hugging each other beside me! lol. Being in pairs help. Can hug to kill time while waiting for cab.
Is today Valentine's Day at ECP?
Determined not to be outdone by the hordes of couples straying further upstream to intercept my cab, I overtook them and stood in a supposedly good position.
15 mins had passed. No vacant cab came.
I wandered back to mac, and went further downstream. Another 15 mins had passed. Again no vacant cab came.
Today business was really good at ECP. I thought the crowd would usually be present only on friday and weekend nights. Maybe there could be another way to explain this phenomenum. On friday nights (which I usually do my runs), people don't have to work the next day, so they could afford to stay up and hang around at ECP. That's why I had all the cabs I wanted at around 9 plus. On thursday night, everyone had to go back early for work next day. So I had to compete with the world for cabs at around 9 plus.
I swear I will never do my runs again on anyday other than a friday night!
So how on earth am I going to get home with all these competition? If I were to faithfully just follow law and wait for a taxi to come my way with all these people around,
I will never make it back.
And I had already wasted 1 hour trying to get a cab. Time check: 2215. Usually I would have been home by 2130. Sigh.
I must get out of this place if I were to have any chance of getting a vacant cab. But without vacant cabs how am I going to get out of this place? Chicken and egg question. Lucky I am a rather unorthodox person.
Just be shameless and hitch a ride from someone and get out of this place first.
Thus I stood hawkishly at the taxi queue. The next cab that comes along I will pounce on it irregardless of whoever approaches it first.
A few minutes later, a cab came true to my expectations. A rather hostile couple went into it. The guy was clearly pissed off at having to wait so long for a cab.
Ok better not be a light bulb and antagonise a fire boar. I shall wait for the next cab to come.
My heart sank when another hostile looking couple went up to the next cab. The guy got ang kongs all over his arms. The girl smoked until she looked like a chimmey. Would I be kidnapped and sold to Desker Road if I got into this cab? But inexplicably, they got out.
The cab was not going in their direction.
A young lady reacted swiftly and pounced on the cab before me. This might be my only chance to get out of this cursed place. I better act fast. I put on my most pitiful and desperate face and opened front door of the cab.
"Miss, may I hitch a ride to wherever you are going? I desperately need to get out of here because it's so hard to get a cab!"
他妈的... Sounded so 琼瑶。It's like I will 陪你走到天涯海角like that. So mushy. I think she must be super chua dio lah.
But somehow it worked! She agreed to let me tag along free of charge! Must have been the tears (of desperation) that sparkled in my eyes which did the trick.
I triumphantly rode my way out towards Bedok. Yes I was clearly embarassed with my bold behavior, and yet grateful to the generosity of the young lady. The cab driver let me off somewhere near Tweety's house.
Now comes the key question. Was my reasoning right? i.e. It would be easier to get a vacant cab as long as I am out of ECP.
I wouldn't know for sure. My previous experience of getting vacant cabs at this area was pretty good because I used to take cabs home from my camp (which also happened to be around here).
Would I be rewarded again tonight?
Let's just cross the road, then wait and see. 5 seconds later, not 1 but 3 vacant cabs appeared out of the slip road and sped towards me! I even had the luxury of choosing which brand I wanted. Comfort, Citycab, or SMRT.
I knew I had reached the promised land.
I took the Citycab taxi home because my dad also drives for Citycab.
So here I am, drinking my brother's heartwarming campbell soup and writing all these happening stuff online. I wonder what would happen if I did not shamelessly approach that lady for help. I wonder what time would I reach home if I just followed law. In any case,
If not for that cab, I will still be drinking tears at ECP.
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