A Great Way to Live

I had a few weird dreams lately, all targeted at the core issues of my life. I had been saying a few dejected prayers before sleep these days, and I guess the dreams are His answers to my queries.

One way to tell His answer from your own answer. If the answer in your mind gives you a sense of peace, then the answer is truly a gift from the heavens.

I woke up with some feel of that!

In that dream of mine, I had a confrontation with my boss. (Of all situations to be in.) I was being reprimanded for being performing poorly in my work. There was a lot of tension, and somehow the situation escalated into a quarrel. At the end my boss challenged me to leave, along the lines of "you are free to quit and chase your flying dream!"

Wonder how he knew that. I haven't really told him before... Nevermind. It is just a hypothetical scenario anyway.

Of course I took up the challenge. I quit my job and did my PPL full time without income. It was cool for the first few months, but as the months went by, my savings got depleted.

And finding a job was tough. The ministry wouldn't reinstate me back to a JC. Independent IP schools won't take me into their JC cohort because I have no JC experience. To make it worse, my certifications from my ground examinations expired due to the six month validity period. Everything was just hanging there. Not here and not there in all aspects.

Give PPL up would mean all the money invested will be wasted. Don't give up, and find a way to maintain the course was driving me nuts. There was just a lot of regret and desperation. Even the temp job that I found paid too little to cover anything. Thousand plus a month. Not even enough to make ends meet, how to finish the course?

I was just down and out.

Woke up from that scenario with cold sweat. After a while I went back to sleep again. Fortunately didn't have to go to school on Thursday, that why I could afford to sleep and dream again.

This dream was so much better!

I got selected by SIA as a cadet pilot! And I proved my mettle and worked my way up. From second officer to first officer to finally captain. I became a captain for the A380s, flying from Singapore to Sydney frequently.

It was great. I had a comfortable income, bought a house, saw the world, immense satisfaction of flying a commercial jet, what else? It's the perfect job, the perfect life.

But subsequently over the years, there was lesser and lesser warmth when I returned home. Parents became strangers. My brother moved out and didn't leave any contact behind. My sister got married and had her own family.

And I wasn't around when my parents finally left.

Whenever I returned home, all I had was a big empty house to myself. And whichever part of the world I went to, I'll see people happy with their friends or loved ones, white people, black people, whatever, of all skin colours. I wasn't part of it. I didn't know them. I was a stranger to them, and they were strangers to me.

Even the pilots working with me were not constant. The pilots were rotated frequently. I'll see a new face every now and then in the cockpit. Everyone was trained to follow a company SOP. Pilots are trained to be team players, but they do not stay in the same team...

It was then, that I realised I wanted to stay around. I wanted a job that allowed me to see the same people everyday. I want to see my parents and brother everyday. I want to see my colleagues everyday. I want to see my students everyday.

Sounds like a scene from "Click" the movie.

It was already 9 in the morning when I woke up from both dreams. It was a rainy morning. Cool and refreshing. I thought about those dreams for a while. I seldom remember dreams after I'm awake, but these two were as vivid as life itself.

Lots of thoughts were coursing through my mind then. It was a difficult morning. Finally one thought gave me peace. I believe it was what He was trying to tell me.

1) Love your job.
2) Love the people you get to see everyday.
3) Love the present.
4) Love flying. Use it as a means to lift the spirits of people around me.

Point 4 got me confused stuck for a while, but now I know what He meant.

Flying does not mean a change of job. I do not have to join an airlines to be happy. Just some experience of getting up in the sky would be enough! A PPL would suffice! In fact, a PPL is better because your passengers are in the same cockpit as you, not like a commercial jet.

I... finally found my sense of direction in life... After such a long time.

To help people by lifting them up. To use flying to achieve that aim. To fulfill His aim of saving souls. Everything fits. Everything's in line.

Now just need to put everything in place!

Bless me with a SPL in 5 month's time.

Different Aspects of Life

Work = Sense of purpose?

Football = Feel yourself?

Guitar = Useless.

Home = Negative.

Void. There's a big void.

You can't blame others for the negative things that happened in your life. But, the environment that you grew up in played a huge part in your life views.

Need to pick up and fight once again.

There was once I lost that fighting spirit, because I was satisfied with my comfortable life.

It's time to start all over again.

Fought enough in school. (Physically and academically). Had enough of gladiating and studying.

Fought enough in football. Body can't last forever at that level. Football can't last forever.

Now it's time to fight for my dreams. To breathe the rarefied air.

Away from the negative people. Away from my negative self. Away from the down-to-earth people who are bogged down my reality. Away the people who knows better than being naive. Away from those who are concerned about promotions.

There will only be me, and my bro, who I promised I will take him up there with me.

To give him the motivation that had been lacking in all his life. Evidence that if one persevered, he will achieve his dreams.

So let's just go up. I'll take you there.

We will tear the skies.

Set Back!

Arrived the medical centre today feeling lifted.

Before even everything started, I was informed that I needed to wait for 6 months for the eyesight to stabilise before I could proceed any further.

And I even had to bring along my pre-op records and do a recent check on my eyes for certification purposes.

I used to think they would be the ones doing the checks on the eye, and not an external doctor.

But I'm glad that I am "forced" to wait for half a year before any further actions could be taken. At least now I can focus a bit on my post grad math, and save up some money.

Most importantly, I have time to decide whether I really want to spend so much money and time pursuing an interest.

I think these 6 months would be a good gauge of my interest, whether it is a short-lived or sustained one. Money is not a problem if I could convince myself that the interest is sustained.

So let's just wait and see.

Steps

A lot of times I felt that the pursuit of DTF is a naive, impractical, costly, and most important of all, it does not benefit anyone.

No beneficial value to people. Then why embark on it?

I wonder too. Perhaps, the way it such a pursuit could benefit people would not be about the actualy flying itself, but the journey towards it.

Hopefully after reading my experiences here, you might be able to pick up some learning points. You may feel inspired, amused, or disgusted. But it's just a man's pursuit of his dream, and the sacrifices that he has made.

Hopefully you will be motivated and inspired enough to pursue your dreams too! I had promised a few flights already.

Steps completed so far:
#1 LASIK
#2 Booking of a medical with ST Medical. (Much easier than I thought!)

Hopefully I would have time to elaborately note down the details of each of the steps, cos I felt that they are valuable experiences in their own right.

I wouldn't know howh long I can continue down this path, but I'll be here as long as it goes.

Alright, let's go.

I'm been quite ashamed of myself recently. I think I got obsessed with DTF until I neglected what I am doing now.

I am ashamed of my negative attitude.

From today onwards, none of that will surface again.

I'm going to do well in everything that I am involved in.

Everything is a challenge.

That includes DTF. It is here to stay.

Never give up the things you really want. You never know how life may go.

We can do it!

Conflict of Interests

Recently I was really lifted.

I talked to the Lord again, and I felt so much calmer and at peace.

I had decided to follow his will as well.

And thus, I had a perfectly coincidental event that happened to me, and I believed that was His will.

Mr Ho contacted me after so many years. I received his MSN message while my WMP was playing "Everything" by Misia, and he encouraged me to take up the challenge again to do mathematics.

That I believed, was His intentions for me.

Yet, when I saw the sight of the plane in the sky today, I knew what I want in life.

So which way should I follow?

Can I be greedy and ask for both? Get a Masters in Mathematics and a PPL too? I think as long as it's not commercial flying, private flying is extremely possible as long as I pass the medical.

Masters in Mathematics is definitely within my ability.

I know the answer now. Thank you for your guidance.

Amen!

45 degree bank

Today I saw a single engine aircraft while I was driving along CTE towards SLE.

IT was a magnificent while bird, glistering in the morning sun.

It was landing after a left turn.

The sight of it banking 45 degrees to the left, then bring both wings to level and decending, just felt so majestic.

From then on, I knew no matter how much it costs, how tiring it may be, how many sacrifices I have to make...

I have to get my Private Pilot's Licence!

Last game for 2008

Today's the last football game for 2008. Will be going to fix it up soon, so can't play for 3 months.

Just felt a bit sad, and ashamed of how I played. Lost the ball in stupid positions. Made some rash decisions. Sigh. Am I being too negative again? Or do I have high expectations of myself? Or do I think too highly of myself again?

I'm never going to wear that jersey to play again. It's too stressful.

I think I'm going to miss football, which I never felt this way while I was able to play.

You'll only miss something once you lose it. How true it is.

Anger Management

Need to find an outlet.

This hasn't been a good year.

Lots of anger and anguish.

Need to evolve and become a better person.

In all aspects.

First step:
Reignite the engine within me.