Last Day In Camp

Today was my last working day in camp, but the irony was that I did not realise it until after lunch time. I hafd been under the impression that my last day was going to be next Tuesday (23/05/2006) because that was the earliest my leave allowed. But by some fortuitous twist of fate, I was able to bring forward my last day to today.

Lucky decision #1:
On my way back to bunk after lunch, I had decided to follow Jit into the office instead of proceeding straight to the lift usually. Goodness knew why I had decided to follow him. Maybe because I had a hunch that he was going to look for his favourite "Oregano Pasta with Chicken", which I would love to try a mouthful or two. To my dismay, his purpose was to enjoy the air con instead of combat rations. And so as we were lingering in the office, I overheard some heated discussion in the Matrix.

Being the ultimate kay-poh, I rushed there immediately.

Initially I thought such a commotion could only be caused by earth shattering news like the death of our brigade RSM or someone within the company was getting married. Unfortunately it was anything but interesting, a low class case of a few troopers TRYING to bargain with our PC about their leave before they disrupt for their studies. Since that was nothing of my concern, the office no longer held any points of interest to me. I am going back to bunk to sleep.

"Shun Chih, you need to submit your leave plan again because I had misplaced it."

That outburst from my PC 2LT Cavin suddenly got me involved with them. How did my flawless plan done over many painstaking nights got misplaced? Did that mean my ambitions (i.e. World Cup on TV) would be affected? Out of a state of helplessness, I scrambled around the office to redo my plan.

Lucky decision #2:
Sitting at the COS table to redo my plan was perhaps the most crucially correct decision ever made in my entire SAF life. It was at that table which I learnt from 3SG Cheng Yee and Cresens that I could actually gain an extra 2 days for my leave! Despite my vast experience in the army, skiving was one art which I not mastered. After hearing what they had to offer, I realised right on the spot that my Bachelor of Science with Honours (Mathematics) ought to be torn to pieces for ass wiping purposes.

Cheng Yee : "You do not have to clear leave on your ORD date. Once you get your PINK IC in the morning SAF can't do anything to you, much less keep you in camp for the entire day."

Cresens : "You do not need to clear leave on the day of your FFI, since that whole day would be burnt anyway. Morning dental FFI, afternoon return to camp for the rest of the FFI, blah blah blah... Clearing leave that day would be a waste."

Miraculously, that meant I could reclaim that two days next week, and today would be my last day in camp. In an instant I was plunged into a frenzy of packing up my remaining stuff and clearing all outstanding clearances with less than half a day left.

Freedom was suddenly thrust upon me and beckoned half a day away!

I was really not mentally prepared to leave so soon, especially when I literally started the day with the impression that I still have 3 days left. I had even thought that the morning jog around camp wasn't going to be my last.

Perhaps God had decided that I had served the army honestly enough not to have 2 days taken away from me, and that 2 days were just a little reward for doing whatever that was required without shirking my responsibilities.

AIT? Cleared. Bike course? Cleared. RTC in ROC? Cleared. Commando CST? Cleared. ERT? Cleared. First year IPPT Infantry Gold? Cleared (9:24 mins). First year SOC? Cleared (7:29 mins). Redo my first year IPPT and SOC after disruption? Cleared (Couldn't remember the timings because I anyhow ran). CSB + 8 + 16 + 24 + 32km routes marches? Cleared. Wallaby? Been there saw that. ATP? Cleared. ICCT & ACCT? Punched my way through. 2nd year IPPT and SOC? Cleared in (9:58mins and 8:45 mins respectively). SK? Done. Guard Duty? Done. Morning practices of my dual broom (双刀) wielding/sweeping skills at the ring of fire? Mastered. Most significantly, all of the above mentioned were cleared in the sniper fashion.

One shot one kill.

(Don't you ever forget. Limpeh is AHLANGOD.)

And I only took 6 days of MC throughout the year! 1 day for injuring my leg on a saturday soccer match in June last year and 5 days for my wisdom tooth. Model soldier? Nah. Honest soldier? Of course! I could have chosen the easy way out by getting myself downgraded during the 4 years in uni, and that wasn't very difficult since I was always getting injured every now and then playing football.

But I did not.

Because in case Singapore would ever go to war, I would rather hold a gun than a pen.

A pen is something I could hold as a teacher for the rest of my life. But when it comes to war, you can't reason with the enemy the way a teacher does to his students in front of the blackboard. The only way to reason with them and make them realise their folly of even thinking of invading our country would be to make them hear hissing sounds of rounds flying past their ears and eventually planting one firmly into their foreheads.

Just like the MG gunner from aggressor company during 3 Guards ATEC. Despite knowing they would lose the "war" to 3 Guards eventually, the MG gunner still blasted a volley of shots at the battalion fearlessly. 1 man versus 100. A true hero.

The "piak piak" sound of his MG firing in the crisp morning air epitomised his determination.

And of ours too. I am sure despite our incessant complaints about what the army had done to our lives, we would be grateful for the guns it provides us when our survival comes to the crunch. (No matter how fucked up they may be with their constant IAs.)

Just for your information, a pen is only useful in a war for POW treatment purposes. I.e. when you are captured by the enemy and they use it to stuff it up your ass.

"What is your mission? Don't fucking tell me again you cannot answer any of my questions. You want more of these in your ass? COMRADE???"

Jokes aside, I am indeed grateful for the many trying moments I had experienced in the army. The day when we knocked it down immediately on the parade square after unloading from the tonner from BMTC. The turn outs in the middle of the night. The change parades. The rappeling and flying. The swim in the sea. The long walks in the towering mountains and winding valleys of ROC. The oppressive and regimental lifestyle under our *beloved* CSM of the past. The same oppressive and regimental lifestyle under our current RSM. Unreasonable people like them. Weekend guard duties. Many nights under the moon and the stars. The same nights feeding impoverished mosquitoes. The endless marches and walks with the stupid signal set which clung to my back like a leech. GODSPEED the un-buang-able hellrider. POW by the ranger cadres. Dunking for 20 sec. Going down into the sea in the middle of the night to measure the gradient of the shore. Pulau Tekan, err I mean Pulan Tekong. (But there's no integrity and light there in the island as in its name. There is only eternal darkness.) That CSB 32km route march + river crossing + range. Firing rounds after sprinting short distances in ranges. Beautiful SWBTA. Baby kangaroos hopping after their mums. Tan Yeat Cheong with his 101 facts about the penis on top of a knoll in wallaby. Guarding/Slacking with the police at Changi Airport. Helping out in NDP 2006. Sleeping in the bunk from first parade to lunch, then from lunch to dinner. Playing flashpoint at Gann Boon's LAN shop. (It's an open secret now. Everyone's doing it.) Sorry for pao-toh-ing my fellow troopers. The free, accessible, never crowded, convenient Bedok Camp II gym. Not very tasty but always filling SAF cookhouse food. That stretch of track of the ring of fire which is forever covered with leaves.

I guess the list would go on and on. No point mentioning all that came to mind, if not they would fill an entire bible.

Now for the people I had met. My BMT buddy was a spoilt and pampered brat. My AIT buddy was a proud and incompetent fool. My RTC and subsequently cheong sua buddy was a skilled navigator and fit soldier. My current buddy is a much maligned but in fact, an honest, trustworthy, but reticent young man. I was fortunate to earn his trust enough for him to open up sufficiently to understand his true thoughts over many issues. Although measuring a person's worth by his physical fitness is very rampant in the army, but it does not truly reflect a person's true value.

Of course there is Jit the skilled war gamer whose knowledge about conventional weapons and military vehicles truly justifies his place in BRC. His target reco skills if ever needed in future to defend Singapore will be invaluably flawless. He can also fly that dammed helicopter in flashpoint fucking well. Even a God like Ahlangod crashes his chopper. Cao jiby! (His only weakness is that he got a fetish for combat rations...)

How can I forget Tan Yeat Cheong the crappist? I admit I seldom hang out with him in camp, as he is always around with the smokers, puffing away at the corner. But I had the honour of cheonging sua with him at wallaby. The most miraculous thing about him is that he can crap whenever wherever no matter how grim the situation was. He was the one who tricked Sergeant Sammy into admitting he was eating shit when we were waiting for the tonner to recover us during an END OF THE WORLD Cat 1. Yes. It was that Cat 1 which we saw half of the Australian sky covered with ominous dark clouds. Judging from the map in our hands, the clouds could easily cover 1/4 the area of SWBTA, which is equal to the size of one Singapore! Yeat is a good cook too. His skills at conjuring maggi mee and gugu bird (I mean sausages) in the jungles were heavenly. Of course as I say again, his 101 facts about the penis were legendary.

There were others too. Egg the Flying Pig. Flying because of the way he closes the gate during guard duty. It's a little secret between us. Ask him to demo for you when you are doing sentry duty with him next time.
Siwei the hardworking and responsible armskote man who always shows off his intimate photos with Fish Leong. Always call her by her name. Fish Leong is your girlfriend hah? Basket... (Do I sense some jealously here? Oops.) Wan Hin the "closest thing to a civilian" in his own words. Don't ever leave him alone with a trolley outside 3 Guards radio store on Valentine's day. He would mount the trolley and pretend he is windsurfing in Hawaii. Crazy boy. Alfred Liang the God of Sleep who is apparently very skillful with his guitar. The only problem was that he always chose the wrong hours to practice his strings. 2300 hours at night! Do you know why at such an odd hour? Because he usually sleeps for the whole afternoon and becomes very energetic at night. Can someone please give him 01 x extra for every second he plays his demonic strings LATE at night? Ming Hui the cute boy who needs to stand up for himself. Rocky the creative crappist #2 after Yeat Cheong. Always fantasizing about 1 v 1 hell in the cell match with anyone anywhere anytime. Remember to return me my messmug when you see me in NTU! Bing Chang that Old Jiby with his comics and irritating but yet all conquering dota tactics. e.g. Hand of Midas to create a hole in the creep wall then meat hook over??? Ming Shun the skillful programmer with a complementing nerdy eroticism. Joey my favourite football pal among the troopers who packs a good shot at goal and in the toilets of clubs. His forte is to observe people and what they do with their penises in the toilets of MoS. And who would ever forget the Company Shaking Man.

And my mates who went through hell with me before I disrupted. Hong Yao the UKM (Ultimate Kan-ning Machine). Mingjun the best PT who loved to roll on his bed and smelled his underwear. Mingjun also apparently watches a lot of japanese porn and relives his fantasies by calling me "KimoCHIH". Hong Wee with his live radio. He sings well but it's irritating to hear contemporary mandarin pop outfield. Leave your voice to K box ok? Chan Wei Wen for being the one who taught me how to navigate. Yes he was my cheong sua buddy and thanks for your CV food. Although I can live on combat rations like Jit, but it doesn't hurt to kop some gugu bird and bread from Wei Wei to eat. His only flaws were that he was very prone to fever (just like me) and his skin was highly delicate. Rashes would develop out of nothing. Needs to bring Dove skin lotion outfield.

It would be forgivable for anyone to develop the impression that I am pro-army after reading the bulk of this blog. In actual fact, I am still very much a cynic of it. I hate army, I still complain incessantly about army life to everyone, I hate losing my precious freedom, I hate SKs, I hate taking unreasonable and stupid orders, I hate SOCs, I hate carrying the signal set, I hate going outfield, I hate losing sleep, I hate regimentation, I hate egoistic officers, I hate Bedok Camp, I hate war!

Despite so much grievances, amidst all the suffering I somehow forced myself to search for a greater purpose. An explanation that justified all the testing times at this stage of my life. Ultimately, the fundamental purpose of Singapore's army was never to conquer another land, but to hold on to ours. There are many things that are important to me which exist only in this place. Family and friends, experiences of growing up, familiarity of the roads, locations of good food, soccer pals... Things I wouldn't want to lose to a bomb from the sky should (touch wood) that day ever come. If we ever had to disappear into the darkness of the night, at least for me I wouldn't have any regrets because the motivation for them to be happy and alive weighed more that the genuine fear of facing and dying to a real enemy.

Fortunately Singapore far from an imminent war!

Recollecting all the experiences and people for the past 2 years 4 months, I had indeed lived life like hell and also a hell of a life. I had suffered, enjoyed, and learnt so much from people and things happening around me. I am glad I had been through a complete army life. One that included physical suffering, emotional humiliation, and yet in the end, enlightenment to the soul. Without which I would still be the cocky JC fellow who thinks as a RJ alumni, I could scale the heights and conquer the whole whole all by myself. In short,

I had become a better man.

Finally when all the last minute clearances and packing were done, I fall-ed in for the last RO of my NSF life. My big boss, the OC of the company, CPT Tng Wee Kiat gave another of his talk to the company (I am still used to him as a 2LT because that was my first impression of him when we first met in BMTC). He congratulated the snipers for clearing their ICCT, amongst many other mundane details not concerning an ORD personnel like me. In the finality, he asked everyone to repeat after him with a half punch followed by a full punch.

"GOOD DAY!"