My Boyhood Crush on Kaira Gong

It was in 1999. I saw yet again, the b ball girl bounced into the school canteen for a drink.

She's always bubbling around, energetic, a smile so demure and shy that will melt any guy's heart. Haha ok I'm exaggerating. But it's not common to find a serious sports person who has such a smile. And that was what made me notice her whenever she crossed my sight in school.

Nah she wasn't the prettiest of the girls in school then. There were tonnes of other pretty girls around. We had new face of the year, we had a school "flower" by the name of Rui-En, we had Mel Chng too. To make things worse, her complexion then was not very nice. heh. Her face was not very smooth then, had pimples. And she was always playing sidekick to another b ball girl from her sec school. (Cannot say her name. All I could say she was from S03A.) Her friend was much prettier, or maybe she made her friend look better. I think I'm too harsh here.

But I just noticed her more than her better looking friend. Not for her beauty, not for her figure, (ok lah, her figure was good too. B ball player couldn't be that bad right... I better stop if not you will think I'm a lecher. Alright, I admit! I'm one. heh. I'm already a lecher at age 18!),

Using an old cliche, I got attracted to her of her smile! It's corny I know, but as with all things that make boys stir, a smile of a girl works wonders on a boy. To top it all up and make things worse,

I didn't know her name.

So I just got by and remembered her as "LS's sidekick".

I never picked up enough courage to approach her. Anyway I was too much of a mugger then to be bothered too much by such things.

Years went by. After army, after NUS, after army again, after NIE, after one year of working, LS's sidekick disappeared from my memory totally. I was preoccupied with other people and work.

Then I stumbled upon some archived national day songs recently, and kinda liked the song "My Island Home", cos I think that will be the song I will most probably listen to very frequently in the future.

Then I began researching on the singer for fun. It was odd. I didn't pay attention to her 2 years ago when she was singing the song on NDP, though I watched the parade on TV.
Maybe I wasn't so meticulous then.

But from the research that I had done recently, I discovered that she is the same age as me, so there was a high chance that she was from my batch in school.

I quickly dug out the dusty year book and scoured the pages for her photo. Yup! 2AO3B! I saw her face, the same old face that was in my memory. LS's sidekick. heh.

Compared to then, she is much feminine and prettier now! Complexion has improved! heh. Lecher self reactivated.

I must admit I am a true blue stalker.

But after all these years. There is just anguish left in me.

Why didn't I try to talk to her then?

Why didn't I try to ask LS for her contact, or to intro us?

But anyway, it has been so many years. If I hadn't had the chance to know her then, it's rather hard to know her now too, given her status.

Right now I'm just glad to be able to admire her from far,

the shy and demure LS's sidekick then,

is the confident and glamourous Kaira Gong of today.







P.S. Looking at her now is really an inspiration. I believed she didn't plan to be in showbiz all along. Just that opportunities came knocking and she got into showbiz.

Putting things into my perspective, it is heartening to know that someone amongst us, a peer, is still chasing or has already fulfilled her dreams.

Why can't I do so then?

Bright Lights Big City

I always had a dream.

To be away from the Bright Lights and Big Cities.

To somewhere serene and tranquil.

Where all stands above me is the sky,

and all lies before me is the sea.

I do not just want to be there,

but to live there for the rest of my life.

Say goodbye...

Memories...

Good times...

Hard times...

We remain...

remain in my heart...

Say goodbye...

Memories...

You are my best friend...

What a Week

Got snubbed by my manager.

Got ridiculed.

Experienced insults for the same reasons all over again.

And now, being failed by it because I failed to take care of it.

Life's fair. It goes in full cycles.

Time to embark on something else.

Sorry, but I just needed to bitch.

Will You?

I always thought Jimmy Ye is talented, from the days when he was strutting his self-composed songs on the local mandarin pop scene.

He is good with catchy tunes, as epitomised by 《我总是听你说》。

And now after so many years, "Will You" for NDP. Feel so revitalised listening to this song! Feel a sense of national pride. Talented people still hang around the island I suppose!

Will you make this island
Amazing in all ways?
Surprises every corner,
Delightful nights and days.

Will you take this country
And turn it from a place
To a home to greets you
With smiles on every face?

Will you come on this brave journey?
Will you help to make it real?
Will you write us grand new stories,
Songs that everyone will feel?

So...

Will you swim the current?
Will you scale new heights?
Will you make it happen,
Will you let your dreams take flight?

And...

Will you make the difference?
Will you seize the day?
Will you live each moment,
Will you dare to find new ways?

Will you take this city
And turn it from a place
To a home that greets you
With smiles on every face
Will you come on this brave journey?

Will you help to make it real?
Will you write us grand new stories,
Songs that everyone will feel?

So...

Will you swim the current?
Will you scale new heights?
Will you make it happen,
Will you let your dreams take flight?

And...

Will you make the difference?
Will you seize the day?
Will you live each moment,
Will you dare to find new ways?

Dare to find...

New ways!

Will I let my dreams take flight?

Never a doubt. I will fly!

Shall we go?

The man who sang this famous song is coming again...

请你说 我们为何变成陌路人的模样
请你说 还有什么比沉默更难堪
难道互相隐藏
就能避免了失望
表白有什么可怕
请你别怕为难不要拐弯

请你说 请你说出心里难以承受的伤
不能说 除非我们早已忘记了爱的力量
聊天只能假装 表情需要勉强
何必把这种遗撼
带到未来的天堂

I will be there!

Police

Today I saw another team play good football. The type of football that I always aspired to play, and never able to find a team capable of doing that. (Not that I am that zai a player).

But honestly, apart from catching thieves, the Policemen do play some decent football.

To be true, the better a player you become, the less you hold the ball.

Everything is about running, receiving, passing, and running again. Of course need to think about where to run, how to receive, and who to pass.
Some last minute change of direction will make the process a lot smoother.

I think I have a lot of work to do to play at that level. Sprinting, first touches, and passing.

No wonder so many ah peks stopped by and watched them play today.

Rest

Too confident of myself.

My mind thought I was 17. But my legs said I am 27. What happens when there is a miss comm?

Cramp.

Not difficult to understand why.

Thu: Walk from Bukit Panjang to Mandai for 4 hours with a signal set.

Fri: Rest.

Sat: Played a rare full game for MOE. Left back. Up and down my half. Even made a ambitious run down all the way from box to box down my flank after beating both their right wing and right back. Totally shag.

Sun: Played sweeper, but finally cannot take it.

Mon: Miss SGSFL Div 1.

My current type of fitness regime is only good for a sweeper. I should modify it to prepare to myself as a full back.

I should have known. I deserve the cramps.

I also know it's time to rest.

ICT 2008

This will be the last post for a while from now, when the full routine starts again tomorrow.

ICT was not bad. Relaxed mind for 2 weeks.

Staff William was as crappy and putting down as ever, but yet zai.

Met Philip who shared my age and outlook in life.

I didn't waste my time there as expected.

And, the only way to stay happy, is to be satisfied with what you have!

快乐

都27岁的人了，终于明白一个捉摸很久的问题。

什么是快乐？什么让人快乐？
1）跟群？随便找个适当的人安家立业？
2）得过且过？有钱赚就好，工作水平敷衍了事？
3）执著兴趣？踢球踢到脚断？

全部都错。

人因为觉得自己活着，所以才会快乐。

而人为什么会觉得活着，因为他有梦想牵着翅膀飞着！

我不想做老师，我想做老千

Bloody shit. After watching these youtube videos I really don't think a teacher has any future.

A 老千 has more future.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgDTNC010fo&NR=1

A Mystery Revealed...

A lot of people have told me that when I smile, it is rather disturbing. One girl even told me that she felt "violated" when I am piercing her eyes with my "trademark" smile.

Then where on earth did I learn how to smile like that???

The answer is very simple.

From him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2puaI9V8Osc

Emphatic!

I think it's pretty obvious by now - that I don't post entries that often, unless something significant had happened.

Today was no different from other matches. My team won a corner at the very last moment of the game. Most likely the final whistle will sound after the corner. We were losing 1-2, and Bollocks asked me whether I wanted to go up for it. Usually I would be contented not to go up, espcially when my team was winning.

But I had to go up for this one, because I felt responsible for conceding a goal less than 5 minutes ago. I had to redeem myself, and so I ran the customary 20m to the edge of the penalty box.

As I approached the box, Ken saw me and volunteered to stay back. I should have told him not to, because that was most likely the last corner of the game. Should have stayed to pack more bodies in the box.

Somehow I knew that the corner will come to me. CK and John have the tendency to aim their corners at me whenever I go up because I seldom attack corners.

And so, I occupied Ken's position at the edge of the box, and waited for the corner to come.

The whistle came, and John took a very sharp and direct corner. I was too eager and took one early step. By the time I reached the ball I no longer could use my forehead to make contact. But I compromised on the spot and used the side of my head instead. The contact was decent and the ball firmly aimed towards the near post. Everyone was shocked that i made such a good connection. The spontaneous "wow" betrayed their throughts. unfortunately it did not go in, but it bounced off a defender for another corner.

This time I was paid more attention. The opponent team assigned a marker to me. I had to beat him. And so I took cover just behind CK, so that the marker had no physical proximity to me.

I gave him the indifferent expression on my face, as if I was hinting to him that "I give up. Your marking has totally subdued me. You have control of the situation."

When the whistle went I took one step to CK's left, and the marker followed in the same direction. Immediately I shimmied to the right, and the poor fella was half a pace behind me. In corners, half a pace behind is considered beaten already, due to the lack of space for recovery.

As my poor marker was left biting my dust, I just kept looking at the ball and ran towards it, all the while hoping that it would be the same sharp delivery like the previous corner. Usually by this time I would know whether there was anymore motivation left in running for the ball, because the trajectory of the ball would be obvious by now. No point running forward if the ball was not coming to your attacking radius.

John did not disappoint. The ball was even better delivered than the previous corner. I realised that I had at least 0.5m radius of space around me when I approached the penalty spot, and the ball would be in front of me within a second.

From that moment I knew nothing else mattered, and no one else existed in the box. It was me and the ball alone. One firm header was all that was needed.

So many times I had practiced my headers at the RH hardcourt and at home. Just aiming for that perfect placement, aiming for that perfect contact, aiming for that perfect power...

When that moment in time came, my neck naturally arched back and snapped forward, slamming the ball forward in the process.

There were no obstacles to the ball in front of goal. I just smashed the ball home from point blank range.

GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL GAOL GAOL! GOALGOALLL GOAL GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went crazy. Everyone went crazy. I was a bastard. Instead of running towards John for that well taken corner, I went for the sexy bodies of Ken and Bollocks instead. That was because Ken ripped off his shirt and was expecting me to give him a hug, while John watched in disgust and envy. Those two fuckers (Ken and Bollocks) were just exclaiming "song bo song bo?" all the way.

Little did I realise that my run to the centre circle was fruitless. The ref had blown the final whistle the moment I left the penalty box. I might as well run back to where I put my bag.

All these was possible because of one simple idea: "If you want the ball, you will get it."

And today is definitely a memorable day.

Not only because Ah Lang scored a glorious header.

But because he charged into the enemy's box and conquered them all.

Ah Lang the Striker

Haven't played striker in years.

Today managed to make a cameo appearance as striker. Wonder how I got the chance to go there. Must be because there are too many defenders today, so I got a chance to have a crack for about 10 mins.

My passing was not bad, no stray passes, no stray touches, no stray runs. My play was effective. muahahahha

I must say, I am good!

Titanic

It was pitch darkness all around me. I couldn't find my footing.

And it was cold.

I was floating, drifting aimlessly in the void. Existence was simply miserable. There was no light, no support, no direction.

No hope.

I simply wanted to end it there.

Suddenly, light appeared from far, and I realised why I was put in such a miserable situation.

Without experiencing darkness, one will not be able to appreciate the beauty of light.

Sounds like dream land?

Too abstract?

It can happen in reality.

Cos I dreamt that I was floating in the ocean in the middle of the night, only to live to see the daylight at the horizon.

Trip to Malacca

I went up to Malacca with my school football team for the past few days. The trip was as great as expected. Fully paid for holiday in the name of work, of course there is a give and take, with responsibilities of taking care of students.

The boys did themselves credit by playing their best against better opposition. I'm sure they'll get somewhere in the Nationals.

I spent my last tired awake moments at night watching HK dramas (undubbed!) on channel 7. (Jing Yan Yi Qiang).

I also spent a lot of time talking to people not of my age group and not of my language. The people I spoke most often to are in their 40s. (Coach and the tour guide). People at that age I find, work very hard, and yet are down to earth. More importantly, they take it easy when they deal with relationships with other people. Not that they are superficial, but they don't expect a lot from others and hold things against others.

Which I find is something acquired over years of experience.

Coach is very good at making witty humour befitting of his age. E.g. "Player X, you kept on insisting that you are not offside in that incident, we will take a look at the video after the game."

The fact was we didn't bring any video cam for the trip.

Peck Choo (the tour guide) is a street smart woman. She is very friendly and sincere to others, someone who fits my impression of a typical warm-hearted malaysian. She knows about lots of things. From politics to agriculture, there was never a dull moment talking to her. The anger in her when she talked about the fools in power, the uneccesary reclaiming of the sea off Klebang (which is near her home btw). The sparkle in her eyes when she talked about how bats pollinate rubber trees, and fresh water prawns hang out together with crocodiles in river muar. The sadness when she talked about her lost uncle due to the 2nd world war and the fear of fighting the communists. Her favourite phrase whenever she is upset with another person was:

"Send them into the malaysian jungle and see how they survive." Esp for tai tais who live in a world of their own. haha.

The two flowers (pretty girls) at the hotel reception were exceptionally nice to me. I seem to find them smile more demurely at me whenever I speak to them. The other one who couldn't speak English looked down most of the time when I was talking to her.

Should had told her that I like her and bring her over to Singapore. haha.

Before we returned to Singapore we went to a local products shop in JB. There was some interesting drink with Tongkat Ali inside. The salesgirl actually told me I might need it. haha.

Will try to take things easy from now on. Just as what Choo said.

"Malacca is a small town. People here are very simple and trusting. "

Shouldn't all people on Earth try to live like Choo and the Malaccans that she described?

Runner's High

I used to think I was happy from running because I liked the feeling of fatigue and sweating. I felt happier if I could ran to the seaside because there is a sense of accomplishment of getting there. (ECP mac not very near to my house). Moreover I kinda liked the scenary and the place.

Then I stumbled upon a scientific explanatino for all these. Enjoy.

"Most people claim that runners high is a feeling of invincibility and superior performance that can be brought on by certain environmental surroundings. Environmental stimuli affects everybody in positive and negative ways. Divers swimming in clear, warm water seem to experience pleasant sensations, while those in dark, cold water seem to encounter panic, fear, anxiety, and depression.5 These feelings can also be associated with running. When running on a beautiful, sunny day in a place where the scenery pleases the runner, he or she is more likely to experience happiness or even a high, versus when running on a cold, rainy day, along dark, unknown scenery. When a runner is able to take in the scenery that is around them and almost become one with it, then the run will be enhanced. One runner, Jamie Hurley, wrote that "I feel wonderful and have no desire to hide it. I look around me and can breathe in the fullness of my natural surroundings - the trees, the dirt, the birds, the little critters, the sun, the terrain, the wind". When looking at the different aspects of runner's high, the environmental surroundings play an important role."

Don't understand? Nevermind. Everything can be explained in two simple words,

Runner's High.

Owned

Today got whacked by a good team 9-2. Instead of feeling disgusted with myself, somehow I felt quite happy to lose by such a margin.

The opponents demonstrated what ought to be done should a team be a genuine weekend league team.

1) Commitment. (All their players were ready and running by kickoff. i.e. 9 am)
2) Spirit. (They did their warm up together, with a bit of fun.)
3) Discipline. (They did what their manager/captain told them to do.)
4) Physique, fitness, technique, teamwork.

They also had one winger whom I known since my uni days. He was the nemesis of my team. Today he ran circles round me again. When I was younger I would definitely be angered by that and probably kick his foot.

But today I grew to respect him. At this age when my body are showing signs of degradation (because I didn't take care of them well), he was still as good as ever, if not better. He really served as a motivation for me. Somehow there is still hope at my age to play better.

What is the point of playing against weak opponents week in week out, beating them flat and boost our inflated egos?

Today I got brought down to earth again, by such an overwhelming defeat. At times we must reflect and think of the things that we are lacking. Lack pace, lack strength, lack aerial ability.

I was happy, because I know I have a lot of to work on.

If we are happy with ourselves, then we will stagnant. Was quite unhappy with work recently. Spoke to a few people about it. One friend of mine really lifted my spirits.

"At least what you are doing needs brains to do. They still are helping students in some way or another. Those that I am doing do not need brains! Anyone can do them. Isn't that more frustrating?"

and she continued her "consoling"...

"Maybe the reason why you are given so much responsibilities is because you are not ambitious. Supposing if I am your boss and I know you are the ambitious type, I won't considering giving you much work to do because I know you will only do them to prove yourself, and not genuinely helping the students."

Wth... So does that mean I must act ambitious so as to reduce my workload?

Really appreciated talking to her. She understood most of the things that I said, because we are in the same profession.

And I talked to more people. One friend of mine is an auditor. She works 6 days a week, stays in the office for 18 hours, and sleeps only 3+ hours a day.

And I complained about leaving home at 8.

Another friend just returned to office to fetch her laptop home to do work, and mine you, now is already 3:19 in the afternoon on a Sunday.

I think I should just shut up and do my work properly.

It's quite irrational to force things in life, for example to force my team to beat the team which whacked us 9-2 today.

But for things which are within our control, we must try our best. Because if we don't want to end up in the following situation,

然而到後來我什麼都沒有

then we must

进化成更好的人

分享快乐 享受生活

我只能低著頭發呆
讓回憶滲透腦袋
漸漸變空白

我把它當作個意外
但內心還想不開
以爲我明白
其實你都還在

我想起了遇見你的時候
想起你眼神中的溫柔
我想起了我們第一次牽手

我閉上眼

想起當時你懷裡的顫抖
似乎那麽害怕失去我

然而到後來我什麼都沒有

當你離開的時候

我可以裝作已釋懷
他對我也算關懷
他看不出來
我知道這樣不應該
在他身上找依賴
算不算是種出賣
因爲你一直在

我想起了遇見你的時候
想起你眼神中的溫柔
我想起了我們第一次牽手
我閉上眼想起當時你懷裡的顫抖
似乎那麽害怕失去我
然而到後來我什麼都沒有
當你離開的時候

我想起你親吻我的時候
想起你眼神中的沉默
我想起了我們平靜的分手

我閉上眼

想起當時你美麗的承諾
把你整個心都交給我
然而到後來我什麼都沒有

越是沒有你越是心痛

我想起了遇見你的時候
想起你眼神中的溫柔
我想起了我們第一次牽手
我閉上眼
想起當時你懷裡的顫抖
似乎那麽害怕失去我

然而到後來我什麼都沒有

當你離開的時候

Tried too hard?

Too much pressure?

Wishful thinking?

Assume too much?

No patience?

In a rush?

No confidence?

Said too much?

No experience?

Too pessimistic?

No time?

One way traffic?

Or worst case scenario...

Had never been significant?

I think too much already. Time to sleep.

All that I needed in a quiet room at night with a mug of nice luke warm coffee.

It has been a while since Eason Chan's "Shall We Talk" that I had gone bonkers over a song.

I could sense the experiences and maturity of the lyricist, who also happened to be the singer of the song. There is flavour and pedigree in the lyrics. They not only reflect my past and present experiences, and also the people I had met in who either stabilised or destabilised (my life).

The message behind the lyrics tally with the governing life principle of mine now. i.e. I want to be a good man, I want to be a better man.

Was sheer enjoyment listening to the song. Guess I will be listening to it consistently over the next few years just like "Shall We Talk".

我的青春也不是没伤痕
是明白爱是信仰的延伸
什么特征人缘还是眼神
也不会预知爱不爱的可能

保持单身忍不住又沉沦
兜着圈子来去有时苦等
人的一生感情是旋转门
转到了最后真心的就不分

有过竞争
有过牺牲
被爱筛选过程
学会认真
学会忠诚
适者才能生存

懂得永恒
得要我们
进化成更好的人

我的青春有时还蛮单纯
相信幸福取决于爱得深
读进化论我赞成达尔文
没实力的就有淘汰的可能
我的替身已换过多少轮
记忆在旧情人心中变冷
我的一生有几道旋转门
转到了最后只剩你我没分

有过竞争
有过牺牲
被爱筛选过程
学会认真
学会忠诚
适者才能生存

懂得永恒得要我们
进化成更好的人

有过竞争
有过牺牲
被爱筛选过程
学会认真
学会忠诚
适者才能生存
懂得永恒得要我们
进化成更好的人

懂得永恒得要我们

进化成更好的人

进化成更好的人

Last Day at RJ

Today I was at the RI/RJC campus again. Met up with an old friend of mine. He was my batch mate from RI, although I didn't know him very well then. He was from my neighbour class. I got to know him better in the first few years of my university because we disrupted from army at the same time.

I could safely say during the period of time after my disruption to the end of my first year in uni, he was my best friend.

Unfortunately as the years went by, I gradually took less and less modules in FASS and gradually lost contact with him. Fortunately I still have his phone number with me.

And I really appreciated him making an effort to meet up for a drink at his canteen. At 11+ he msg that he was free from now till 1230. I told him I can't, and he offered to come down at 1330. He was at his usual self. Cold and uncaring exteriorly, but actually he's quite a nice person inside.

Then we started talking and lamenting. Lamented about the falling standards of RJ. About how the school wasn't as formidable as during our time. Lamented about the lack of time, and how his days ended at 9 am in the night. He is also the soccer teacher in charge of RJ, I'm his counterpart at NJ. But I do less work than him bah. He actually coaches his students. I am only the team medic. Looks like certain things are universal.

Young teachers do not have time. Young teachers do not have life. Young teachers work very hard.

But his personality is more rugged I guess, despite his small frame. He took things in his stride and moved on.

"Just do sui sui while the bond lasts!"

haha. That was very true. Do everything well and then leave with our heads held high. Complain also no use.

Then we started to reminisice about the past. Which teachers are still around, which stalls are still around, etc.

And then we started talking about job prospects.

He was saying that RJ has an option called "direct staff". Which means that teachers do not have to take on leadership roles and have no cca commitments. Direct staff just concentrate on teaching. Sounds very attractive. Taking a pay cut to have a life.

But I'm not so naive to think that grasses are greener over the other side. RJ and RI are going to merge sooner or later, and when that happens the new RIJ will be the same as NJ going 6 years. There will be no difference being there or here. Staying at NJ might be better because I have already established myself and my teaching resources. (No doubt working with my ex-teachers at RJ as colleagues will be a huge draw for me).

Then at the course, I saw some of the older teachers who were very senior. Would I still be able to engage or teach effectively/passionately at that age? Would I still be as stubborn as I am now trying to be a teacher who is only concerned with teaching properly instead of manage all the admin work? I am not sure though, but in anycase, I do not want to shortchange my students in case any of the above were to come true.

I am not tempted or seduced to move. I am not even thinking of moving to anywhere other than NJ. But I do know that I will leave the service after 3 good years.

So might as well live the last 3 years of my teaching life to the fullest before rethinking my life options.