Revelations of Time

Today I was able to reach home in the early afternoon because of the half day block leave for the commanders and me. As I came out of the lift, I was quite surprised to see a man outside my flat. My family seldom have visitors, so this man at our doorstep in the middle of a friday afternoon had succeeded in attracting whatever attention I had.

He did not look familiar among the visitors who had ever visited us in my memory. He looked very haggard, and his movements were slow and weak. In fact, he could not even stand up straight and his right arm was clutching his back trying to support himself upright. Was he a neighbour who needed help? When he turned around, I got the shock of my life.

That man is my father.

My initial reaction was horror. Horror that why I couldn't recognise him, horror that why had he aged so fast, horror that he was in pain right outside our home. I helped him in swiftly, and he rested on the couch with a cushion supporting his back.

"My back is very painful. Don't know why."

I offered him to take him to the nearby SGH, but he insisted that we wait for mum to return since she was already on her way back. He took a nap in his room in the midst of waiting.

And that left me pondering alone in the living room over the reasons that triggered my horror just now.

Why was I not able recognise at first sight a person whom I had lived under the same roof for close to 20 years? His avuncular figure clearly contrasted against the impression of a young and healthy middle aged man which was etched into my memory throughout my toddler and teenage years. How time flies, and it catches up with all of us within a blink of an eye.

It seemed that my carefree varsity days surrounded by lots of friends were just yesterday. Delusions aside, those days were close to an year ago. What is left now is a helpless solitude which unfortunately, is the stage of my life after school. Not all is lost though, as reflections beckon within me more frequently now. Things that I had not thought about before in the midst of all the fun suddenly had made themselves known to my conscience.

Which was what brought me back to the scenario this afternoon. What had I done over the years such that I could not even recognise my own dad? It would be inconscionable of me if I do not know the answer to the above question. Actually, the answer had always been at the back of my mind.

I had been away from home for too long.

4 years in school, 2 years in the army, and that would mean I had been away for 6 years! The naive and aspiring adolescent who left is now a jaded and seasoned old (in the heart) man. The changes in my family that had happened over the past few years had been immense. My parents look more haggard now. My sister looked from being too young to be married to being overdued to be married. My brother? From a cute toddler to a disgustingly spoilt teenager. One who does not appreciate the true value of money, who does not admit his mistakes sincerely, who always think he is victimised by people who meant well for him.

Staying away for so long had its perks as well. Amongst the gifts that I had picked up away from home, there is one that stood out most.

I had lived with the rich and the poor, the privileged and the not, the spoilt and the cultured, the self-centred and the magnanimous, the ambitious and the down-to-earth. And I had learnt to handle all of them. That, in my opinion, is the greatest gift acquired within me.

After having seen the real face of the world out there, I really appreciate the sacrifices that my parents had done for us. Out there, everyone fends for themselves. Receiving kindness is something that should not be expected. The realisation of the nature of this dog eat dog world is the reason why the sorry figure of my dad pains me even more.

Fortunately, a visit to the doctor revealed that nothing is wrong with his back. It was just a simple muscle strain caused by improper sleeping posture. To a man whose livelihood involves sitting down for most of the day behind the wheels, this news couldn't had come better.

I would not know what the future holds, especially so when I am up against an inexorable and formidable opponent called time.

However I do hope one day, that there will be someone who does not want to listen to my gentle lies.

But only want to stay by my side.