Amazing Grace

I had just received news that my uncle (mum's elder brother) had passed away today. I do not feel sad, and I have no intention to attend his wake. It would be unfeeling of me to behave that way. But would you find it strange if his wife and children have no intention to visit him at his wake as well? Wait a minute, wasn't his family supposed to host the wake?

His wake is hosted by his mistress's family.

His death to me, would mean an end to half a lifetime of mistakes. It would not be polite of me to post the unpleasant events that had happened in my relatives' family online for all to know.

What concerns me, is that whether his mistakes would be forgiven by all at his grave. From the tears in my mum's eye after she learnt of the news, it was clear that she held nothing against him. Finally. What was there to hold against a dead man? Perhaps my mum received lots of kindness from my uncle when they were young? Perhaps my uncle was not such an unfeeling guy in the past? Or perhaps because he is the only kin my mum had left in the world?

Actually it's because my mum is a soft but yet kind hearted woman.

But I could not blame my cousins for their indifference towards his death. My uncle had indeed, done them injustice for decades. He shirked his responsibilites as a husband and father, squandered money and time over women other than his wife, had money for anything but his son's education... (I apologise to my cousins for disclosing a bit of the ugly side of your family affairs.) The disappointment in my mum's face after the short phone call from my cousin said it all.

They have no connections to this man.

As I pondered over the sobs from my mum's bedroom, many questions surfaced in my mind. Many of those whose answers could not be found easily. Somehow, despite being encaged in a gulf of disgust and dispair, something resonated inside me which brought about a peace of mind soon afterwards.

It's the willingness to forgive. Forgiveness had always been the greatest gift God had given to man.

"Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." - Luke 23:34

After the anger had subsided, all that residued in my mind was that my uncle had lived his life in a folly. A folly that described a complete waste of life. Life which everyone of us could only have one.

What could be learnt from this unpleasant episode?

For starters, try not to make mistakes in life such that even death may not bring forgiveness from others. That would be a tragedy to all, dead or alive. Pain often does not follow the dead to their grave. It lingers among the living.

Maybe people could learn to honour their promises and commitments. It is not easy I know. (I pulled out last minute from a soccer game when I had given my promise earlier.) But being an honourable person would be a very noble thing to do. Very few are born honourable. Being honourable is a choice, a self-cultivation, a discipline, and a determination. It would however, be naive to believe that completely honourable persons exist in masses. Somehow in our lives cutting corners and breaking our words would be inevitable. But if we could hold our words to commitments that involve much at stake, then we may not have to end up compromising the feelings of many other people.

Perhaps the most important lesson of all is still to learn how to forgive. It is not easy to do as it is to say. It take a magnanimous character to do that. Jesus forgave all of us even when he was cruxified to the cross. (Heh, who are we to be compared to him?) I think I would slap someone back if he slapped me first, and not offer him my other cheek like Jesus. But still, if we could learn to forgive somewhere down the road in our lives, we would inherit freedom. When you forgive those who had sinned against you, God will forgive you too. =)

Because forgiveness frees the soul from enslavement.

I had read somewhere before about the difference between a nice man and a good man. Although they may sound similar, but they are fundamentally different. A nice man is someone who aims to please everyone, so that they would in return shower him with respect and kindness. A good man just does whatever right things that had to be done, without consideration for curry favouring. I believed my uncle had been a nice man, judging from the amount of gifts he showered upon the many strangers in his life. But was he a good man?

I did not write so much to mislead that I am a saintly person. In fact, I am a person of many flaws. Those who had read my blog on "lessons in patience" will understand that my patience is connected to a livewire. I have my fair share of people whom I had offended and disappointed. I had cowardly ran away from my problems instead of facing the music to say a sincere sorry. Worst of all, I had forgotten much of the misdeeds that I had done.

And I had mistaken myself to be a good man when I was only nice.

I certainly would not like to end up like my uncle, when forgiveness could only be sought from the deathbed, and I would like others to forgive me for whatever hurt or injustice I had done to them. But before that happens,

I must apologise to all, and learn to forgive.