Memoirs of a Sentry

I am sure many of us had served as sentries when performing our guard duties. I was no exception, as me and my mates had stood solitarily before on a small piece of concrete which was referred to as the "island".

Several interesting observations could be made around the guard house if one had made the effort to look carefully from the island.

First up are the cats. Bedok camp had unofficially adopted a litter of stray cats in its premises for a very long time. The cats would loiter around the cookhouse during meal times, and the guardhouse during supper. They will always make the same old "meow" at you whenever you are chewing food in front of them. They are always hungry. They are always begging. It never fails to amuse me when it comes to observing their behavior. For example, a cat 20 metres away from me could sprint to my location within seconds after I had dropped a piece of bread near my feet. If you continue to feed the cat until it is full, you will be rewarded with the sight of a lifetime.

The cat will lie down flat on its back and stretch its limbs lazily in the air.

Cats are fun to play with. They are so innocent to the point of naivety. There was once when I had to do sentry duty in the wee hours of the morning.

And I was bored.

Fortunately, there was a cat sitting against the wall across the road. Without thinking, I pointed an intense beam of laser from my rifle to its belly. It did not react. I slowly guided the beam from belly to head. This time it jumped up and stared at the little red dot on the wall, as if it was something that could be eaten. The cat followed the dot wherever it went. Left, right, up, down, the cat would crawl, jump, prone, run, do whatever it took to follow the red dot. Finally I sent the beam out onto the soccer field faraway. And the cat disappeared into the dark.

I wonder what would happen if I pointed the beam onto my buddy's crotch if I had the chance in future? =)

As you slowly come to terms with my perverse, it would be appropriate of me to change to a more moderate topic.

The second observation could be considered the 8th wonder of the world. Would you believe me that there exists in this world, a door that could shape the behavior, character, appearance, and even physical deficiencies of a person just by passing through it? Yes this door exists. It is the gate people pass through when they book in and out of camp.

This gate does not slim down plump ladies, rejuvenate youth into the old, or replace an ugly face with a pretty one. However, it could transform a lethargic guy into an energiser battery the moment he walks out of it. A sloppily dressed fag would suddenly be well-groomed just before he steps in. A botak recruit walking perfectly normal outside the gate could suddenly be limping for his life after passing through it.

Such is the magic of the gate.

As for the last observation, it would have to be the sky overlooking our guard house. It is a common sight to see planes descend towards the nearby Changi International Airport. Their flapped up rudders, exposed wheels, and flashing lights all contributed to a majestic aura unique to them. Very few machines ever invented could command as much respect as the planes.

For planes epitomised man's desire to take flight.

Flight had always been associated with notions of hopes and dreams. To be able to fly would mean transcending beyond the mortal plane which the bulk of the masses reside. To be high up in the sky closer to the heavens. To be uninhibited.

To be free.

The concept of "lack of freedom" had been widely abused in the army. Almost all the NSFs I know sang to the tunes of a jailbird in unison. Even myself was guilty of complaining about the restrictions and stifling environment in camp. But after some reflecting, I realised we were only half right about the state of our freedoms. Although we had lost the right to micromanage our lives in camp, but we had not lost the right to micromanage our thoughts.

The ability to ponder aimlessly is a luxury not many could afford, especially with all the deadlines and reports pending in jobs out there in the working work. On the other hand, being in the army now is comparable to having a very long holiday. A holiday which allowed me time to digest the whirlwind of events which spun past my life for the last 5 years. A chance to reorganise my priorities, principles, past, and future. I guess there would not be many instances in my life which I could do such a massive housekeeping again. (Unless I got retrenched or retire.)

The day would come when all of us will have to pass through that gate for good. It would be no brainer to expect a tremendous sense of joy and release from many of us who had been repaying this national debt for 2 years. But regaining freedom should not be the most important concern on that day. The most important thing would be, after all the toils and snares endured for so long, did we become fillial sons to our parents, loving partners to our companions, and loyal pals to our friends?

If the answer is no, then I am afraid the past 2 years had really gone to waste. I had remembered a conversation with my grandmother 5 years ago, when I was serving NS before disruption. Life for me was tougher then, and I whined a bit in front of her. Her response was simple.

"We are grateful to you and others who are serving the nation. Without you the japanese would come again."

My initial response to my grandmother was of disbelief and shrugged it off with indifference. Why would the Japanese come and attack us again? Years later when I recollected that moment, I finally understood what she felt.

It may sound far fetched and biased towards the Japanese in contemporary times, especially when they had adopted a pacifist foreign policy after the war. But such was the impact and degree of fear they had struck into the minds of our older generation that decades after the war, memories continue to haunt the living. The least I could do was to emphatise with her insecurities.

I stopped questioning the purpose of NS since, no matter how stifling, humiliating, and punishing life was going to be. (Although I still complain a bit now and then.) =)

Life now of course would not be as tough then, considering I have less that 4 months to ORD. But that little lesson still hangs around in memory. Apart from that, what other things have I learnt in the 2 years donning the green uniform? For one I had learnt to live with the privileged and not. That would be the greatest treasure acquired within me.

Looking at the gate again, I realised I had been day dreaming for the past one hour. Time passes slowly when you are conscious, but flies when you are not. It was 0500 hrs. Time to change shift.

As I stared at the long path outside the gate which leads to the main road, one day I will walk down this path with all my barang barang slung over my shoulder. I will beam with pride that day.

Not because that day marks the end of all the physical toils.

Not because that day marks the end of all the nights spent under the moon and the stars.

And definitely not because we had become the fillial sons, loving boyfriends, or loyal pals we had hoped to be.

But simply because,

We were soldiers.