A Great Way to Live

I had a few weird dreams lately, all targeted at the core issues of my life. I had been saying a few dejected prayers before sleep these days, and I guess the dreams are His answers to my queries.

One way to tell His answer from your own answer. If the answer in your mind gives you a sense of peace, then the answer is truly a gift from the heavens.

I woke up with some feel of that!

In that dream of mine, I had a confrontation with my boss. (Of all situations to be in.) I was being reprimanded for being performing poorly in my work. There was a lot of tension, and somehow the situation escalated into a quarrel. At the end my boss challenged me to leave, along the lines of "you are free to quit and chase your flying dream!"

Wonder how he knew that. I haven't really told him before... Nevermind. It is just a hypothetical scenario anyway.

Of course I took up the challenge. I quit my job and did my PPL full time without income. It was cool for the first few months, but as the months went by, my savings got depleted.

And finding a job was tough. The ministry wouldn't reinstate me back to a JC. Independent IP schools won't take me into their JC cohort because I have no JC experience. To make it worse, my certifications from my ground examinations expired due to the six month validity period. Everything was just hanging there. Not here and not there in all aspects.

Give PPL up would mean all the money invested will be wasted. Don't give up, and find a way to maintain the course was driving me nuts. There was just a lot of regret and desperation. Even the temp job that I found paid too little to cover anything. Thousand plus a month. Not even enough to make ends meet, how to finish the course?

I was just down and out.

Woke up from that scenario with cold sweat. After a while I went back to sleep again. Fortunately didn't have to go to school on Thursday, that why I could afford to sleep and dream again.

This dream was so much better!

I got selected by SIA as a cadet pilot! And I proved my mettle and worked my way up. From second officer to first officer to finally captain. I became a captain for the A380s, flying from Singapore to Sydney frequently.

It was great. I had a comfortable income, bought a house, saw the world, immense satisfaction of flying a commercial jet, what else? It's the perfect job, the perfect life.

But subsequently over the years, there was lesser and lesser warmth when I returned home. Parents became strangers. My brother moved out and didn't leave any contact behind. My sister got married and had her own family.

And I wasn't around when my parents finally left.

Whenever I returned home, all I had was a big empty house to myself. And whichever part of the world I went to, I'll see people happy with their friends or loved ones, white people, black people, whatever, of all skin colours. I wasn't part of it. I didn't know them. I was a stranger to them, and they were strangers to me.

Even the pilots working with me were not constant. The pilots were rotated frequently. I'll see a new face every now and then in the cockpit. Everyone was trained to follow a company SOP. Pilots are trained to be team players, but they do not stay in the same team...

It was then, that I realised I wanted to stay around. I wanted a job that allowed me to see the same people everyday. I want to see my parents and brother everyday. I want to see my colleagues everyday. I want to see my students everyday.

Sounds like a scene from "Click" the movie.

It was already 9 in the morning when I woke up from both dreams. It was a rainy morning. Cool and refreshing. I thought about those dreams for a while. I seldom remember dreams after I'm awake, but these two were as vivid as life itself.

Lots of thoughts were coursing through my mind then. It was a difficult morning. Finally one thought gave me peace. I believe it was what He was trying to tell me.

1) Love your job.
2) Love the people you get to see everyday.
3) Love the present.
4) Love flying. Use it as a means to lift the spirits of people around me.

Point 4 got me confused stuck for a while, but now I know what He meant.

Flying does not mean a change of job. I do not have to join an airlines to be happy. Just some experience of getting up in the sky would be enough! A PPL would suffice! In fact, a PPL is better because your passengers are in the same cockpit as you, not like a commercial jet.

I... finally found my sense of direction in life... After such a long time.

To help people by lifting them up. To use flying to achieve that aim. To fulfill His aim of saving souls. Everything fits. Everything's in line.

Now just need to put everything in place!

Bless me with a SPL in 5 month's time.

Different Aspects of Life

Work = Sense of purpose?

Football = Feel yourself?

Guitar = Useless.

Home = Negative.

Void. There's a big void.

You can't blame others for the negative things that happened in your life. But, the environment that you grew up in played a huge part in your life views.

Need to pick up and fight once again.

There was once I lost that fighting spirit, because I was satisfied with my comfortable life.

It's time to start all over again.

Fought enough in school. (Physically and academically). Had enough of gladiating and studying.

Fought enough in football. Body can't last forever at that level. Football can't last forever.

Now it's time to fight for my dreams. To breathe the rarefied air.

Away from the negative people. Away from my negative self. Away from the down-to-earth people who are bogged down my reality. Away the people who knows better than being naive. Away from those who are concerned about promotions.

There will only be me, and my bro, who I promised I will take him up there with me.

To give him the motivation that had been lacking in all his life. Evidence that if one persevered, he will achieve his dreams.

So let's just go up. I'll take you there.

We will tear the skies.

Set Back!

Arrived the medical centre today feeling lifted.

Before even everything started, I was informed that I needed to wait for 6 months for the eyesight to stabilise before I could proceed any further.

And I even had to bring along my pre-op records and do a recent check on my eyes for certification purposes.

I used to think they would be the ones doing the checks on the eye, and not an external doctor.

But I'm glad that I am "forced" to wait for half a year before any further actions could be taken. At least now I can focus a bit on my post grad math, and save up some money.

Most importantly, I have time to decide whether I really want to spend so much money and time pursuing an interest.

I think these 6 months would be a good gauge of my interest, whether it is a short-lived or sustained one. Money is not a problem if I could convince myself that the interest is sustained.

So let's just wait and see.

Steps

A lot of times I felt that the pursuit of DTF is a naive, impractical, costly, and most important of all, it does not benefit anyone.

No beneficial value to people. Then why embark on it?

I wonder too. Perhaps, the way it such a pursuit could benefit people would not be about the actualy flying itself, but the journey towards it.

Hopefully after reading my experiences here, you might be able to pick up some learning points. You may feel inspired, amused, or disgusted. But it's just a man's pursuit of his dream, and the sacrifices that he has made.

Hopefully you will be motivated and inspired enough to pursue your dreams too! I had promised a few flights already.

Steps completed so far:
#1 LASIK
#2 Booking of a medical with ST Medical. (Much easier than I thought!)

Hopefully I would have time to elaborately note down the details of each of the steps, cos I felt that they are valuable experiences in their own right.

I wouldn't know howh long I can continue down this path, but I'll be here as long as it goes.

Alright, let's go.

I'm been quite ashamed of myself recently. I think I got obsessed with DTF until I neglected what I am doing now.

I am ashamed of my negative attitude.

From today onwards, none of that will surface again.

I'm going to do well in everything that I am involved in.

Everything is a challenge.

That includes DTF. It is here to stay.

Never give up the things you really want. You never know how life may go.

We can do it!

Conflict of Interests

Recently I was really lifted.

I talked to the Lord again, and I felt so much calmer and at peace.

I had decided to follow his will as well.

And thus, I had a perfectly coincidental event that happened to me, and I believed that was His will.

Mr Ho contacted me after so many years. I received his MSN message while my WMP was playing "Everything" by Misia, and he encouraged me to take up the challenge again to do mathematics.

That I believed, was His intentions for me.

Yet, when I saw the sight of the plane in the sky today, I knew what I want in life.

So which way should I follow?

Can I be greedy and ask for both? Get a Masters in Mathematics and a PPL too? I think as long as it's not commercial flying, private flying is extremely possible as long as I pass the medical.

Masters in Mathematics is definitely within my ability.

I know the answer now. Thank you for your guidance.

Amen!

45 degree bank

Today I saw a single engine aircraft while I was driving along CTE towards SLE.

IT was a magnificent while bird, glistering in the morning sun.

It was landing after a left turn.

The sight of it banking 45 degrees to the left, then bring both wings to level and decending, just felt so majestic.

From then on, I knew no matter how much it costs, how tiring it may be, how many sacrifices I have to make...

I have to get my Private Pilot's Licence!

Last game for 2008

Today's the last football game for 2008. Will be going to fix it up soon, so can't play for 3 months.

Just felt a bit sad, and ashamed of how I played. Lost the ball in stupid positions. Made some rash decisions. Sigh. Am I being too negative again? Or do I have high expectations of myself? Or do I think too highly of myself again?

I'm never going to wear that jersey to play again. It's too stressful.

I think I'm going to miss football, which I never felt this way while I was able to play.

You'll only miss something once you lose it. How true it is.

Anger Management

Need to find an outlet.

This hasn't been a good year.

Lots of anger and anguish.

Need to evolve and become a better person.

In all aspects.

First step:
Reignite the engine within me.

陈洁仪 <<再爱一回>>

Seldom drive these days, and if I don't drive, I'll never listen to the radio.

Heard a song over 88.3 today, in the car. It's a very nice song. A classic by Kit Chan. Instantly transported back to the lovely days of the 90s! I don't know, but I fell in love with this song then when I heard the line "就让我演出我要的情节”。It's just a very nice song!

再爱一回
词许常德
曲许环良

从未想过让爱落幕
尽管看的泪眼模糊
谁来主演我不在乎
只要能被你保护

吻我吧
别说话
灯关上
让黑夜继续漫长

就让我再爱一回
你何苦要告诉我她是谁
心再痛痛再深无所谓
像从前爱我我就能不顾一切

就让我再爱一回
就让我演出我要的情节
说说谎编编戏给我安慰
对你有什么所谓

风很傻
空的抓
抱我吧
我不想清楚对话

就让我再爱一回
你何苦告诉我她是谁
心再痛痛再深无所谓
像从前爱我我就能不顾一切

就让我再爱一回
就让我演出我要的情节
说说谎编编戏给我安慰
对你有什么所谓

就让我再爱一回
你何苦要告诉我她是谁
心再痛痛再深无所谓
像从前爱我我就能不顾一切

就让我再爱一回
就算我到最后会流泪
忘不了抛不掉都是煎熬
都是你给的拥抱

Lost and Found

I left my jersey today at the venue of the morning game.

Thought I had lost it for good. Quite liked that jersey because it brings back good memories.

Went back to the place before the evening game to check it out.

Couldn't find it on the ground nor at the toilet.

Thought I had lost it.

Returned to the car.

But decided to give it one last try.

Out of the car and searched around the gate.

Found a plastic bag.

And my jersey is inside!

I'm lucky today.

I had gained and lost many things in life.

And today I was fortunate to be able to recover something that I thought I had already lost.

And also some kind soul do exist in this world, who didn't the jersey for his own.

Thank God, for returning me my beloved jersey.

It's True

把上昇星座重新算一遍
能不能理解自己的改变
租几部喜剧电影学经验
找一个调和情绪的观点
面对这个大世界
老师没有教 而我还在学

好朋友喜帖红的好鲜艳
隐约催促我该找个人陪
相爱到分手循环的情节
双人床不如一张瑜珈垫
活在这个大世界
用什麽方式 呼吸最特别

It's True 我会更乐观一点
It's True 我的幸福很亮眼
It's True 还不急着对谁说 I do
二十四个小时 都还不够我实现
每个心愿

把上昇星座重新算一遍
能不能理解自己的改变
租几部喜剧电影学经验
找一个调和情绪的观点
面对这个大世界
老师没有教 而我还在学

It's True 我会更乐观一点
It's True 我的幸福很亮眼
It's True 还不急着对谁说 I do
二十四个小时 都还不够我实现
每个心愿

It's True 我会更争气一点
It's True 珍惜身边的一切
It's True 还不急着对谁说 I do
三百六十五天 都还不够我理解
这个世界

Happy!

Played two games.

Morning and evening

2-2 and 3-3.

Could be better, but heck it.

At least I enjoyed myself without injuries!

Blur King

Flying shall remain only as a dream, and no longer a target/goal. I am so happy to be in teaching now, after hearing about the Lehman Brothers incident and the ever increasing oil prices.

Consequences = Instability in financial sector, and airlines are cutting costs, i.e. recruiting less pilots, training less pilots, less pilot jobs, etc.

I realised that I am so naive to even think of flying. People actually laughed at my thoughts of wanting to be a pilot! (Either explicitly or implicitly).

I lacked research.

I lacked the positive attitude.

I lacked confidence.

I am too negative.

I do not read widely enough.

But, give me a chance to try and change something about myself. I still have 2 years.

Ultimate dream: Singapore International Airlines.

A Window of Possibilities.

It's not everything.

Got snubbed, and that hurts.

Do not wished to be ridiculed by others, esp young boy(s).

There are other possibilities.

To get away.

Not just DTF.

Maybe DTM.

Or even DTD.

Whatever. Just don't close my options to everything else.

My Boyhood Crush on Kaira Gong

It was in 1999. I saw yet again, the b ball girl bounced into the school canteen for a drink.

She's always bubbling around, energetic, a smile so demure and shy that will melt any guy's heart. Haha ok I'm exaggerating. But it's not common to find a serious sports person who has such a smile. And that was what made me notice her whenever she crossed my sight in school.

Nah she wasn't the prettiest of the girls in school then. There were tonnes of other pretty girls around. We had new face of the year, we had a school "flower" by the name of Rui-En, we had Mel Chng too. To make things worse, her complexion then was not very nice. heh. Her face was not very smooth then, had pimples. And she was always playing sidekick to another b ball girl from her sec school. (Cannot say her name. All I could say she was from S03A.) Her friend was much prettier, or maybe she made her friend look better. I think I'm too harsh here.

But I just noticed her more than her better looking friend. Not for her beauty, not for her figure, (ok lah, her figure was good too. B ball player couldn't be that bad right... I better stop if not you will think I'm a lecher. Alright, I admit! I'm one. heh. I'm already a lecher at age 18!),

Using an old cliche, I got attracted to her of her smile! It's corny I know, but as with all things that make boys stir, a smile of a girl works wonders on a boy. To top it all up and make things worse,

I didn't know her name.

So I just got by and remembered her as "LS's sidekick".

I never picked up enough courage to approach her. Anyway I was too much of a mugger then to be bothered too much by such things.

Years went by. After army, after NUS, after army again, after NIE, after one year of working, LS's sidekick disappeared from my memory totally. I was preoccupied with other people and work.

Then I stumbled upon some archived national day songs recently, and kinda liked the song "My Island Home", cos I think that will be the song I will most probably listen to very frequently in the future.

Then I began researching on the singer for fun. It was odd. I didn't pay attention to her 2 years ago when she was singing the song on NDP, though I watched the parade on TV.
Maybe I wasn't so meticulous then.

But from the research that I had done recently, I discovered that she is the same age as me, so there was a high chance that she was from my batch in school.

I quickly dug out the dusty year book and scoured the pages for her photo. Yup! 2AO3B! I saw her face, the same old face that was in my memory. LS's sidekick. heh.

Compared to then, she is much feminine and prettier now! Complexion has improved! heh. Lecher self reactivated.

I must admit I am a true blue stalker.

But after all these years. There is just anguish left in me.

Why didn't I try to talk to her then?

Why didn't I try to ask LS for her contact, or to intro us?

But anyway, it has been so many years. If I hadn't had the chance to know her then, it's rather hard to know her now too, given her status.

Right now I'm just glad to be able to admire her from far,

the shy and demure LS's sidekick then,

is the confident and glamourous Kaira Gong of today.







P.S. Looking at her now is really an inspiration. I believed she didn't plan to be in showbiz all along. Just that opportunities came knocking and she got into showbiz.

Putting things into my perspective, it is heartening to know that someone amongst us, a peer, is still chasing or has already fulfilled her dreams.

Why can't I do so then?

Bright Lights Big City

I always had a dream.

To be away from the Bright Lights and Big Cities.

To somewhere serene and tranquil.

Where all stands above me is the sky,

and all lies before me is the sea.

I do not just want to be there,

but to live there for the rest of my life.

Say goodbye...

Memories...

Good times...

Hard times...

We remain...

remain in my heart...

Say goodbye...

Memories...

You are my best friend...

What a Week

Got snubbed by my manager.

Got ridiculed.

Experienced insults for the same reasons all over again.

And now, being failed by it because I failed to take care of it.

Life's fair. It goes in full cycles.

Time to embark on something else.

Sorry, but I just needed to bitch.

Will You?

I always thought Jimmy Ye is talented, from the days when he was strutting his self-composed songs on the local mandarin pop scene.

He is good with catchy tunes, as epitomised by 《我总是听你说》。

And now after so many years, "Will You" for NDP. Feel so revitalised listening to this song! Feel a sense of national pride. Talented people still hang around the island I suppose!

Will you make this island
Amazing in all ways?
Surprises every corner,
Delightful nights and days.

Will you take this country
And turn it from a place
To a home to greets you
With smiles on every face?

Will you come on this brave journey?
Will you help to make it real?
Will you write us grand new stories,
Songs that everyone will feel?

So...

Will you swim the current?
Will you scale new heights?
Will you make it happen,
Will you let your dreams take flight?

And...

Will you make the difference?
Will you seize the day?
Will you live each moment,
Will you dare to find new ways?

Will you take this city
And turn it from a place
To a home that greets you
With smiles on every face
Will you come on this brave journey?

Will you help to make it real?
Will you write us grand new stories,
Songs that everyone will feel?

So...

Will you swim the current?
Will you scale new heights?
Will you make it happen,
Will you let your dreams take flight?

And...

Will you make the difference?
Will you seize the day?
Will you live each moment,
Will you dare to find new ways?

Dare to find...

New ways!

Will I let my dreams take flight?

Never a doubt. I will fly!

Shall we go?

The man who sang this famous song is coming again...

请你说 我们为何变成陌路人的模样
请你说 还有什么比沉默更难堪
难道互相隐藏
就能避免了失望
表白有什么可怕
请你别怕为难不要拐弯

请你说 请你说出心里难以承受的伤
不能说 除非我们早已忘记了爱的力量
聊天只能假装 表情需要勉强
何必把这种遗撼
带到未来的天堂

I will be there!