I saw a great man today. Benny Prasad. Humble, talented, and yet very faithful.
His testimony was very powerful. He shared that he came from a well to do family in India, Bangalore. Expectations of him was high, and his parents placed a lot of on emphasis on academic success on him. However, he developed a side effect from the drugs that he took for treating asthma, which caused him to lose 60% of his lung power. He even said he got pierced by a javelin when he was 12. Maybe that's the reason why. His health became very poor, his grades weren't good, and his parents became disappointed with him.
He was considered such a failure and good for nothing that everyone gave up on him. Friends, family, society... Fortunately his teacher gave him some hope. "Everyone is useful. Everyone can be used for their own purposes. Benny, you can be used as a negative example..."
"My family called me a curse to the family! I bring curse and disgrace to the family. I was very hurt. I even tried to commit suicide when I was 16. There is no point in living. Living means shame, rejection, and disgrace."
"But I got to know Jesus when I was 16. He was willing to die for my sake to save me."
"I asked him, how is this possible, when I am not healthy, I am a disgrace, I am a good for nothing. I have no savings, I have no talent, I am not worthy."
"Jesus said no. He said He needed me, to become a blessings for the nations. I was not so sure of myself. But I trusted Him."
"Jesus, if it is your plan for me to bring blessings to the nations, I will do it all by your provisions. I will not draw loans from a bank. I will not owe anyone anything to do Your work. I will trust You to provide all that I need."
His friends laughed at him. No one believed in him. But Benny never had any doubts about Jesus's promise to him. Benny became a great man. His guitar playing skills became legendary. But Benny was as humble after all these years.
His small bundle of passports was very cute! haha.
"Jesus taught me how to play the guitar, but I don't know why others say I'm good at it. I merely added two drums to the guitar and the University of New York gave me a doctorate for it!"
Yeah you better listen and see how he plays the guitar. It is anything but ordinary. He is crazily good at it.
"Jesus gave me a new life again, to live life in a clean slate. I am thankful for Him putting a price on my life by paying for it with His own life. That is how much my life is worth in His eyes! He is willing to die for me, and He gave me hope. I am eternally grateful to Him!"
I feel very encouraged after listening to Benny's testimony. He was indeed, someone put under extreme circumstances, and He shone for the Lord! Somehow I can feel a connection between him and me. Just by that one line of his.
"Jesus taught me how to play the guitar."
I didn't receive any formal training in music or guitar either. In worldly terms, I picked up the guitar on my own, by learning how to read chords, by observing youtube videos. But deep down I know, my skills were a blessing to me by the Lord, who taught me how to play the guitar. Why do I say so? I did the same things even before I returned back to Christ, like reading chord diagrams, observing videos, but my guitar playing skills were as lousy.
After seeing Benny, I felt very excited. I know I am able to do great works for God in time to come! Because we have something in common.
Jesus taught us how to play the guitar.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Never let me go
Returning to church somehow gives a mixed feeling. Gladness because I finally found peace in life. Yet, it also brings about some sadness in me.
Sadness as in, some of my pre-believer friends are starting to shun me because they have an impression that all Christians are evangelistic. While I gained lots of new friends in church, I am also losing some outside church, just by their impression of Christianity.
One friend even asked me, "Are you talking to me now because you feel that I have the "potential" to be converted?"
It hurts, but I pray that they might know of this grace someday.
I could still remember very vividly, how the Lord's hands picked up the shattered pieces of the kingdom of ah lang, and said to me.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor 12:9.
He gave me peace in life.
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philipians 4:7.
He is the rock that I stand on, the source of my confidence in life.
"He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalms 62:2.
He taught me to honor my parents despite me not totally respecting them.
"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12.
He told me to give wisely with respect to the constraints I have, so that I may give happily.
"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Cor 9:7.
He never fails to encourage me whenever I am feeling low.
"From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe."
Psalms 61:2-3.
He gave me hope in life.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.
He taught me to start doing good works.
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Tim 3:16-17.
He blessed me with a skill for guitar playing and singing songs!
"Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs." Psalms 100:2
He has taught me not to resolve things spitefully, or to create more tension, just to get back at others to do myself justice.
"Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." James 3:18
But most importantly He gave me this promise, when I finally realised all I had achieved in my life have been meaningless.
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5.
Can you feel God's love tonight?
Sadness as in, some of my pre-believer friends are starting to shun me because they have an impression that all Christians are evangelistic. While I gained lots of new friends in church, I am also losing some outside church, just by their impression of Christianity.
One friend even asked me, "Are you talking to me now because you feel that I have the "potential" to be converted?"
It hurts, but I pray that they might know of this grace someday.
I could still remember very vividly, how the Lord's hands picked up the shattered pieces of the kingdom of ah lang, and said to me.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor 12:9.
He gave me peace in life.
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philipians 4:7.
He is the rock that I stand on, the source of my confidence in life.
"He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalms 62:2.
He taught me to honor my parents despite me not totally respecting them.
"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12.
He told me to give wisely with respect to the constraints I have, so that I may give happily.
"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Cor 9:7.
He never fails to encourage me whenever I am feeling low.
"From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe."
Psalms 61:2-3.
He gave me hope in life.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.
He taught me to start doing good works.
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Tim 3:16-17.
He blessed me with a skill for guitar playing and singing songs!
"Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs." Psalms 100:2
He has taught me not to resolve things spitefully, or to create more tension, just to get back at others to do myself justice.
"Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." James 3:18
But most importantly He gave me this promise, when I finally realised all I had achieved in my life have been meaningless.
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5.
Can you feel God's love tonight?
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Being watched over
All these while I had always believed someone was watching out for me up there, even when I was not a believer in Christ.
When my hand struck the landing skid of the helicopter while doing my live descent during NS days, I lost control of the rope and free-falled for 10 metres down the rope. If my line man wasn't alert and tightened the rope, I would have pummeled to my death.
And I was almost knocked down by a van near my school when I crossed Watten Drive without really checking the incoming vehicles from the main road. (Was too preoccupied thinking about work then!)
And the feeling of unpeace when I sat in the car, that led me to that conclusion what I wanted to do with my life.
And today, when the boy gave me a tackle that fell me to the ground face flat, after I got up the opponent players immediately came up and restrained me and held me back for goodness knows what. It was only after the game that my friends told me they were quite worried that I will retaliate because the tackle seemed very terrible. Will break shin bone that type! They were so worried for me! And then I thought I had a routine fall, and I didn't even feel anything.
If you were to ask me how I felt given this position last year this time, I would have attributed it to luck.
But now I know, that it is actually the Lord who has protected me from being the fourth person I know in my life after Ace, Ah Koh, and CK to suffer a broken shin bone.
Hallelujah!
When my hand struck the landing skid of the helicopter while doing my live descent during NS days, I lost control of the rope and free-falled for 10 metres down the rope. If my line man wasn't alert and tightened the rope, I would have pummeled to my death.
And I was almost knocked down by a van near my school when I crossed Watten Drive without really checking the incoming vehicles from the main road. (Was too preoccupied thinking about work then!)
And the feeling of unpeace when I sat in the car, that led me to that conclusion what I wanted to do with my life.
And today, when the boy gave me a tackle that fell me to the ground face flat, after I got up the opponent players immediately came up and restrained me and held me back for goodness knows what. It was only after the game that my friends told me they were quite worried that I will retaliate because the tackle seemed very terrible. Will break shin bone that type! They were so worried for me! And then I thought I had a routine fall, and I didn't even feel anything.
If you were to ask me how I felt given this position last year this time, I would have attributed it to luck.
But now I know, that it is actually the Lord who has protected me from being the fourth person I know in my life after Ace, Ah Koh, and CK to suffer a broken shin bone.
Hallelujah!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Confession = something good for my soul but bad for my reputation
Over the past half a year or so, my friends and colleagues have noticed and commented the changes in me.
I didn't realise the changes until I really sat down and thought about it.
What were the changes in me?
The way I speak?
The way I think?
The way I live?
The things I live for?
I couldn't pinpoint the exact changes, but those who noticed the changes well wouldn't contest that the changes in me are the works of God.
Even my church friends have commented that I am too "holy". I.e. Out of 10 sentences that I speak, at least 2 or 3 will be about God.
Is it because I am a new Christian so the fire is still burning strong?
Is it because I am pretending to be "Godly" so that I can fit into the church community faster?
Or is it because I am only putting on a nice facade, a personality totally different from me?
To be honest, I don't know.
But I can confidently tell you. I denied the Lord for 15 years.
Usually when people get baptised, it usually marks the start of a committed Christian life.
For me, it only marked the start of an end.
My mum stopped bugging me about going to church once I got baptised. Getting baptised was something to silence her.
After I got baptised, I was so thankful that she finally stopped harassing me week in and week out about church. She was just a damned bloody nag. Really a damned bloody nag. Until so much she got on my nerves. I never got to know God before and after I got baptised. All I knew was that I was forced, and was emotionally blackmailed into doing it.
And my mum was the greatest contradiction of all. In fact, a laughing stock. After we got baptised, she stopped going to church herself. What kind of example was she setting? What kind of testimony is she for God?
I hated God because of my mum, and because of her, I thought God was a joke.
To me, Christianity is an aggressive religion that is pushy. It wouldn't leave free thinkers alone. It wants to attract more people into its churches, suck money from people, and build mega churches. It's just a way to cheat money from honest people via the excuses of religion.
And from then onwards, I wandered off into the wilderness, unknowingly into the darkness.
For the good part of the first 10 years, it felt really great! Especially during the days of my early 20s. I had total freedom! I could do what I want, I could achieve whatever I set my sights on.
1) PSLE do well? Checked.
2) Get into RI? Checked.
3) Get into RJ? Checked.
4) Get a scholarship? Checked.
5) Get 2nd upper for degree? Checked.
6) Enjoyed university life? Checked.
7) Play football like a god? Checked. In fact, I was my own god. I am god himself! Damned bloody song.
8) Get a stable job and not worry about money? Checked.
9) Find a girlfriend who is pretty, has a nice figure, intelligent, and rich? Checked. In fact, she more than fitted the bill! She was quite open-minded about being physically intimate. (short of having sex. She insists on sex after marriage, but anything other than that is ok).
Wow, I had it all! I had achieved all that most people worked all their lives to try to achieve. I bet for some of those losers, even if they worked all their lives they might not even get 3 out of the 9 things that I had listed there.
I am the god living in my own kingdom, painstakingly constructed by me and my hardwork alone over the years. Who needs a God? Fuck you God, you're a joke.
But yet I was unhappy. Cracks started to appear in my kingdom. The things I thought will make me happy didn't make me as happy as I would be.
1) PSLE? Forgot the joy of the 268/300 long ago.
2) Get into RI? I didn't even remember what I did there.
3) Get into RJ? Spent my 2 years mugging to atone for my 'O' levels.
4) Get a scholarship? Stressed me out because I had to perform every sem. Couldn't afford to send them a lousy results slip.
5) Get 2nd upper for degree? Was more relieved than happy. 4.03 wasn't a great affirmation of my credentials. It's more of lucky than solid.
6) Enjoyed university life? Yes. This really made me happy.
7) Play football like a god? While I repayed my faithfulness to football by setting aside time every weekend to go for games, some teams scolded and cursed me when I played badly, even when I bore the pain of my injuries and played for them. Some teams didn't even start me when I got down the earliest and warmed up properly. I was made to look like a kuku. Never trust football to be faithful to me.
8) Get a stable job and not worry about money? Stable and not to worry about money? Yes. But I worked so hard until I had no life. It was really no life. Damned low class and low morale. 13 hour days.
9) Find a girlfriend who is pretty, has a nice figure, intelligent, and rich? My girlfriend became more of a trophy than companion. Whenever I went out with her, she never failed to turn the eyes of other eyes to her. But beyond the sight of everyone, there were just quarrels, manipulation, self-centredness. We went into a relationship not because of love, but just to fill the loneliness in us. The relationship was based on what could we get the most out of it for ourselves, rather than genuine mutual concern. I was deeply touched by her dedication to me, but one thing she said smashed it all.
"I never liked you, but to me every relationship is a commitment. As long as I tried my best and have no regrets, I'll move on. And I'll persist in this belief for all the relationships that I go into."
It was so void and empty.
But to be fair to her, I wasn't such an angel too. If you noticed the language that I used to type this entry, all the vulgarities and arrogance, you'll know I am a self-centred bastard too.
I tried to run away. I was tired of my no-life job. I was tired of the dating game. I was tired of the loneliness and aimlessness. I was envious of couples who appear so loving on the streets. I just wanted to travel and see the world.
And the thought of being pilot came to my mind. I do not need to elaborate here if you have seen my earlier entries. And I did lots of research and drastic actions. I did lasik and was on the verge of breaking my bond, spend all my savings to get a PPL, then apply for SIA. I almost screwed up my life with my own hands. The same hands that constructed the shining kingdom of Ah Lang.
Then God decided that enough was enough, and He stepped in.
I should have realised, that God had been watching out for me all the while I was in the wilderness. There was once I was in the passenger seat of my girlfriend's car. And there was a mini-statue of a budda. I felt so suffocated and not at peace but I couldn't explain why. I should have realised that that was a sign of God.
And God showed me a book. "The Kingdom of Self" by Earl Jabay.
http://www.drfry.com/Articles/General/Kingdom%20of%20Self/kingdom_of_self.htm
And I read the "Road to Emmaus" given to me by Kelly a few years ago.
Somehow I realised God wasn't such a joke after all. I had wronged Him all these years.
And the final straw came when my girlfriend said something that changed my life.
"I agreed to go out with you because you don't go to church."
That made me think. A lot. She didn't like church. I didn't like budda. She didn't like me going to church. I didn't like her being a buddist. And suddenly it became so simple.
I called it off with her. And never looked back.
And a few months after that, I attended "my hope Singapore" organised by my present church, and the rest is history.
And God told me to surrender all that I have to Him. He is always ready to bless, but only when we are willing to let go to prepare ourselves for His greater blessings. The letting go is never easy, many times it is tough. But it's all part of His scourging, to make us better people, because He really receives us as His children.
And for God I stopped committing to football.
I broke up with my girlfriend.
I halted my pilot-becoming plans.
I gave up all my dreams.
To be honest right now I don't even know what will become of me.
But I know, God is hammering me into shape, for His greater purposes, just as what the following song is saying.
http://www.imeem.com/people/ZhPNvp/music/b6DwQPug/bebo-norman-the-hammer-holds/
A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be
This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams
I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine
My final shape, my final form I'm sure I'm bound to find
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt's subdued somehow
I have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?
And the question still remains, what am I to be?
Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel
This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals
A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand
The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds
Hopefully now you know I am not exactly trying to be "holy", but more of because I really love this God who single handedly plucked me out of all the darkness and pain. I will sing praises to Him for as long as I live! (Which is eternally of course. *wink*)
I didn't realise the changes until I really sat down and thought about it.
What were the changes in me?
The way I speak?
The way I think?
The way I live?
The things I live for?
I couldn't pinpoint the exact changes, but those who noticed the changes well wouldn't contest that the changes in me are the works of God.
Even my church friends have commented that I am too "holy". I.e. Out of 10 sentences that I speak, at least 2 or 3 will be about God.
Is it because I am a new Christian so the fire is still burning strong?
Is it because I am pretending to be "Godly" so that I can fit into the church community faster?
Or is it because I am only putting on a nice facade, a personality totally different from me?
To be honest, I don't know.
But I can confidently tell you. I denied the Lord for 15 years.
Usually when people get baptised, it usually marks the start of a committed Christian life.
For me, it only marked the start of an end.
My mum stopped bugging me about going to church once I got baptised. Getting baptised was something to silence her.
After I got baptised, I was so thankful that she finally stopped harassing me week in and week out about church. She was just a damned bloody nag. Really a damned bloody nag. Until so much she got on my nerves. I never got to know God before and after I got baptised. All I knew was that I was forced, and was emotionally blackmailed into doing it.
And my mum was the greatest contradiction of all. In fact, a laughing stock. After we got baptised, she stopped going to church herself. What kind of example was she setting? What kind of testimony is she for God?
I hated God because of my mum, and because of her, I thought God was a joke.
To me, Christianity is an aggressive religion that is pushy. It wouldn't leave free thinkers alone. It wants to attract more people into its churches, suck money from people, and build mega churches. It's just a way to cheat money from honest people via the excuses of religion.
And from then onwards, I wandered off into the wilderness, unknowingly into the darkness.
For the good part of the first 10 years, it felt really great! Especially during the days of my early 20s. I had total freedom! I could do what I want, I could achieve whatever I set my sights on.
1) PSLE do well? Checked.
2) Get into RI? Checked.
3) Get into RJ? Checked.
4) Get a scholarship? Checked.
5) Get 2nd upper for degree? Checked.
6) Enjoyed university life? Checked.
7) Play football like a god? Checked. In fact, I was my own god. I am god himself! Damned bloody song.
8) Get a stable job and not worry about money? Checked.
9) Find a girlfriend who is pretty, has a nice figure, intelligent, and rich? Checked. In fact, she more than fitted the bill! She was quite open-minded about being physically intimate. (short of having sex. She insists on sex after marriage, but anything other than that is ok).
Wow, I had it all! I had achieved all that most people worked all their lives to try to achieve. I bet for some of those losers, even if they worked all their lives they might not even get 3 out of the 9 things that I had listed there.
I am the god living in my own kingdom, painstakingly constructed by me and my hardwork alone over the years. Who needs a God? Fuck you God, you're a joke.
But yet I was unhappy. Cracks started to appear in my kingdom. The things I thought will make me happy didn't make me as happy as I would be.
1) PSLE? Forgot the joy of the 268/300 long ago.
2) Get into RI? I didn't even remember what I did there.
3) Get into RJ? Spent my 2 years mugging to atone for my 'O' levels.
4) Get a scholarship? Stressed me out because I had to perform every sem. Couldn't afford to send them a lousy results slip.
5) Get 2nd upper for degree? Was more relieved than happy. 4.03 wasn't a great affirmation of my credentials. It's more of lucky than solid.
6) Enjoyed university life? Yes. This really made me happy.
7) Play football like a god? While I repayed my faithfulness to football by setting aside time every weekend to go for games, some teams scolded and cursed me when I played badly, even when I bore the pain of my injuries and played for them. Some teams didn't even start me when I got down the earliest and warmed up properly. I was made to look like a kuku. Never trust football to be faithful to me.
8) Get a stable job and not worry about money? Stable and not to worry about money? Yes. But I worked so hard until I had no life. It was really no life. Damned low class and low morale. 13 hour days.
9) Find a girlfriend who is pretty, has a nice figure, intelligent, and rich? My girlfriend became more of a trophy than companion. Whenever I went out with her, she never failed to turn the eyes of other eyes to her. But beyond the sight of everyone, there were just quarrels, manipulation, self-centredness. We went into a relationship not because of love, but just to fill the loneliness in us. The relationship was based on what could we get the most out of it for ourselves, rather than genuine mutual concern. I was deeply touched by her dedication to me, but one thing she said smashed it all.
"I never liked you, but to me every relationship is a commitment. As long as I tried my best and have no regrets, I'll move on. And I'll persist in this belief for all the relationships that I go into."
It was so void and empty.
But to be fair to her, I wasn't such an angel too. If you noticed the language that I used to type this entry, all the vulgarities and arrogance, you'll know I am a self-centred bastard too.
I tried to run away. I was tired of my no-life job. I was tired of the dating game. I was tired of the loneliness and aimlessness. I was envious of couples who appear so loving on the streets. I just wanted to travel and see the world.
And the thought of being pilot came to my mind. I do not need to elaborate here if you have seen my earlier entries. And I did lots of research and drastic actions. I did lasik and was on the verge of breaking my bond, spend all my savings to get a PPL, then apply for SIA. I almost screwed up my life with my own hands. The same hands that constructed the shining kingdom of Ah Lang.
Then God decided that enough was enough, and He stepped in.
I should have realised, that God had been watching out for me all the while I was in the wilderness. There was once I was in the passenger seat of my girlfriend's car. And there was a mini-statue of a budda. I felt so suffocated and not at peace but I couldn't explain why. I should have realised that that was a sign of God.
And God showed me a book. "The Kingdom of Self" by Earl Jabay.
http://www.drfry.com/Articles/General/Kingdom%20of%20Self/kingdom_of_self.htm
And I read the "Road to Emmaus" given to me by Kelly a few years ago.
Somehow I realised God wasn't such a joke after all. I had wronged Him all these years.
And the final straw came when my girlfriend said something that changed my life.
"I agreed to go out with you because you don't go to church."
That made me think. A lot. She didn't like church. I didn't like budda. She didn't like me going to church. I didn't like her being a buddist. And suddenly it became so simple.
I called it off with her. And never looked back.
And a few months after that, I attended "my hope Singapore" organised by my present church, and the rest is history.
And God told me to surrender all that I have to Him. He is always ready to bless, but only when we are willing to let go to prepare ourselves for His greater blessings. The letting go is never easy, many times it is tough. But it's all part of His scourging, to make us better people, because He really receives us as His children.
And for God I stopped committing to football.
I broke up with my girlfriend.
I halted my pilot-becoming plans.
I gave up all my dreams.
To be honest right now I don't even know what will become of me.
But I know, God is hammering me into shape, for His greater purposes, just as what the following song is saying.
http://www.imeem.com/people/ZhPNvp/music/b6DwQPug/bebo-norman-the-hammer-holds/
A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be
This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams
I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine
My final shape, my final form I'm sure I'm bound to find
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt's subdued somehow
I have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?
And the question still remains, what am I to be?
Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel
This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals
A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand
The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds
Hopefully now you know I am not exactly trying to be "holy", but more of because I really love this God who single handedly plucked me out of all the darkness and pain. I will sing praises to Him for as long as I live! (Which is eternally of course. *wink*)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
All the Heavens
Holy holy are You Lord
The whole earth is filled with Your glory
Let the nations rise to give
Honour and praise to Your name
Let Your face shine on us
And the world will know You live
All the heavens shout Your praise
Beautiful is our God
The universe will sing
Hallelujah to You our King!
Lord bless Mia Koon with a fruitful season of sabbatical, and keep his family safe.
Lord bless Huimin with a job that she will rejoice in.
Lord bless Shawna with an everlasting and happy marriage.
Lord bless those who have not come to know of your glory and grace.
All these I ask in Jesus's name.
Amen!
The whole earth is filled with Your glory
Let the nations rise to give
Honour and praise to Your name
Let Your face shine on us
And the world will know You live
All the heavens shout Your praise
Beautiful is our God
The universe will sing
Hallelujah to You our King!
Lord bless Mia Koon with a fruitful season of sabbatical, and keep his family safe.
Lord bless Huimin with a job that she will rejoice in.
Lord bless Shawna with an everlasting and happy marriage.
Lord bless those who have not come to know of your glory and grace.
All these I ask in Jesus's name.
Amen!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Through the day
Lunch today.
In my own understanding I wanted to return to the usual stall again for rice and soup. Inexplicably, I walked away from it because I saw that there weren't many dishes left.
Inexplicably I wandered to the japanese food stall. The uncle told me he ran out of rice. For a moment I didn't know what to do. I inquired about noodles instead. He pointed to an item in the menu and started preparing the dish without asking me for my opinion! Now I couldn't walk away from the stall and choose other food.
It was a hot bowl of ramen soup. I just ate it up without much consideration because I was hungry.
After the meal, I heard a voice from the Lord.
"This bowl of hot noodles is to see you through the day."
It was then that I remembered that today is a wet and cold day due to the heavy rain.
In my own understanding I wanted to return to the usual stall again for rice and soup. Inexplicably, I walked away from it because I saw that there weren't many dishes left.
Inexplicably I wandered to the japanese food stall. The uncle told me he ran out of rice. For a moment I didn't know what to do. I inquired about noodles instead. He pointed to an item in the menu and started preparing the dish without asking me for my opinion! Now I couldn't walk away from the stall and choose other food.
It was a hot bowl of ramen soup. I just ate it up without much consideration because I was hungry.
After the meal, I heard a voice from the Lord.
"This bowl of hot noodles is to see you through the day."
It was then that I remembered that today is a wet and cold day due to the heavy rain.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Blessed over and over again
"God are you sure or not? Can girls even play football?"
(They played till their legs dropped, sprained, hamstring cramped, puked, and yet they refused to give up.)
“God are you sure? This player looks like she doesn't know what is happening. She doesn’t even have a proper pair of boots. Her shoes are canvas.”
(She never gave up running against JJ, and scored a goal against IJ despite a hamstring cramp.)
“God you sure we have got enough players to go for a season? We don’t even have enough to go for training!”
(We’ve got just nice, all 14 who can play and win games.)
“God we came and wasted our time here. We didn’t even manage to play a single game!”
(We managed to scout the standard of the other schools in that afternoon.)
“God I don’t know how to train this team anymore. I don’t understand them.”
(They started being independent and blessedfully results came their way only after I returned the team to His hands, when I stopped interfering in their training and tactics.)
“God my player in injured in this crucial final game! How?”
(Just at the moment she limped out of the pitch, Sam came around without appointment. Sam was supposed to help out in the next game but he came early.)
“God we conceded a penalty!”
(The ball hit the crossbar, and the subsequent rebound was scored by the penalty taker. Goal was disallowed because the same player had touched the ball twice.)
God I had seen your works and Your hand in my life. You work in Your mysterious ways that only You understood. You have blessed me over and over again. When things don’t seem to work in my understanding, You have shown me how things will turn out.
Time and again You have proved me wrong.
Time and again You have given me a reason in every season.
Time and again You make me smile with gladness.
Time and again You have been my very present help in my time of need.
Time and again You have shown me that persisting in my own ways alone is futile.
Your faithfulness is so strong.
You have never let go of me, and
You have stood with me through the seasons, through it all.
You have blessed me over and over again.
(The players I receive are gifts from God.
How I train and develop them, are my gifts back to God.)
(They played till their legs dropped, sprained, hamstring cramped, puked, and yet they refused to give up.)
“God are you sure? This player looks like she doesn't know what is happening. She doesn’t even have a proper pair of boots. Her shoes are canvas.”
(She never gave up running against JJ, and scored a goal against IJ despite a hamstring cramp.)
“God you sure we have got enough players to go for a season? We don’t even have enough to go for training!”
(We’ve got just nice, all 14 who can play and win games.)
“God we came and wasted our time here. We didn’t even manage to play a single game!”
(We managed to scout the standard of the other schools in that afternoon.)
“God I don’t know how to train this team anymore. I don’t understand them.”
(They started being independent and blessedfully results came their way only after I returned the team to His hands, when I stopped interfering in their training and tactics.)
“God my player in injured in this crucial final game! How?”
(Just at the moment she limped out of the pitch, Sam came around without appointment. Sam was supposed to help out in the next game but he came early.)
“God we conceded a penalty!”
(The ball hit the crossbar, and the subsequent rebound was scored by the penalty taker. Goal was disallowed because the same player had touched the ball twice.)
God I had seen your works and Your hand in my life. You work in Your mysterious ways that only You understood. You have blessed me over and over again. When things don’t seem to work in my understanding, You have shown me how things will turn out.
Time and again You have proved me wrong.
Time and again You have given me a reason in every season.
Time and again You make me smile with gladness.
Time and again You have been my very present help in my time of need.
Time and again You have shown me that persisting in my own ways alone is futile.
Your faithfulness is so strong.
You have never let go of me, and
You have stood with me through the seasons, through it all.
You have blessed me over and over again.
(The players I receive are gifts from God.
How I train and develop them, are my gifts back to God.)
Friday, April 24, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Go Back
God is faithful, as he has always been.
I have been troubled by bouts of unease recently, by the football team I'm training. Always thinking of strategies to win, which schools we could or should not play friendlies with (for fear of exposing our tactics), what other positions can I play them in, what ways to train them to improve faster.
Suddenly the bug of competition is getting to me. I've become obsessed with winning, or at least, obsessed with results. This vested interest in this tournament is drawing me away from my initial objectives.
Let's not forget the blessings that the Lord has given.
I wished we had 15 names so that we are eiligible for A girls. God has provided 5 new players. In total we have 15. Not a player extra or nor a player lacking.
I wished we had players to fill the void in the current team. God has provided a keeper, a right winger, two reserve defenders, and a reserve striker. All that I had asked for, and reserves for my players who have been injured before.
If I were to list down my first eleven, I have 11 players who can play in their positions. We have a good team this year.
Back in december last year, I could only wish for having a team like what I have now.
The Lord has indeed shown how faithful He has always been.
But the greed of wanting more has turned my gratitude into thirst. I am not satisfied with the numbers I have. I am not satisfied with the games coming out way. Not satisfied with a lot of things. All these is getting pointless. This vested interest in becoming a sin.
I confessed my uncomfort to God today, and He revealed so many things that I wasn't aware of. He showed me the sin that I was bearing in my heart. The sin of greed, of becoming too interested in the affairs of winning and losing, i.e. affairs of the world.
He also told me that this is not my team, but His. I am only helping Him look after it. He has the best plans for this team, and whichever oppponent comes our way, be them within our group or not, He will decide what will happen. As long as I don't hold on to the team, He will shower them with His blessings. All that I cling to, I lay at His feet.
Finally, the one last advice He revealed to me, was to "Go Back".
Go back to the scene when I met the players for the first time.
It was a wednesday during OP assessment week last year. There were 4 players who turned up then. Emily, Leena, Shiyun, Audrey. Midzung came later. When I saw Midzung kick a ball for the first time, she was terrible. No touches, no shin pads, no proper boots! Just a clumsy player who didn't know how to play football.
I made them play instep passes who day long and then a short monkey session.
After the training session, I was thinking to myself. "This is terrible. No rapport with the players, their skills cannot make it, their numbers are not enough, is it worth the investment in time to train them?"
And the Lord spoke to me immediately.
"Do not judge, unless you want to be judged as well. If you remain faithful, I will turn them into a great nation!"
Look at my players now. The same clumsy player who I thought could do nothing, beat a defender and keeper and scored today. She was also the one who chased and never gave up.
My DM used to be very quiet, shirked penalty responsibilities, and non-vocal. Now she assumes that she is first in line for a penalty and commands the other players.
Back then I was facing the same ucertainties that I am facing now. Not enough players, not knowing which direction to go, not knowing what to do. I did the right thing then. I trusted the Lord in my time of need. And that got me fired up for the Lord. Now I am going to do the same thing. Just trust in Him and not worry about anything else.
Because I remembered what I said to Him then:
"God I am at a lost. I don't know what I should do. I don't know how things will turn out. I don't know what plans You have for us. I don't expect any results or even participation in the A girls tournament. I sincerely really just want to help these students so that I have something to write in their school graduation cert."
And He told me:
"Don't worry son, you will have bountiful to write in their SGCs, and they will be overflowing with righteousness!"
It was then that I got struck. Their SGCs are what mattered to me. Not results, not A girls, not trophies.
Praise the Lord for revealing what mattered to me most!
And this I thank You in your power and grace, then and now, in Jesus's almighty Name.
Amen!
I have been troubled by bouts of unease recently, by the football team I'm training. Always thinking of strategies to win, which schools we could or should not play friendlies with (for fear of exposing our tactics), what other positions can I play them in, what ways to train them to improve faster.
Suddenly the bug of competition is getting to me. I've become obsessed with winning, or at least, obsessed with results. This vested interest in this tournament is drawing me away from my initial objectives.
Let's not forget the blessings that the Lord has given.
I wished we had 15 names so that we are eiligible for A girls. God has provided 5 new players. In total we have 15. Not a player extra or nor a player lacking.
I wished we had players to fill the void in the current team. God has provided a keeper, a right winger, two reserve defenders, and a reserve striker. All that I had asked for, and reserves for my players who have been injured before.
If I were to list down my first eleven, I have 11 players who can play in their positions. We have a good team this year.
Back in december last year, I could only wish for having a team like what I have now.
The Lord has indeed shown how faithful He has always been.
But the greed of wanting more has turned my gratitude into thirst. I am not satisfied with the numbers I have. I am not satisfied with the games coming out way. Not satisfied with a lot of things. All these is getting pointless. This vested interest in becoming a sin.
I confessed my uncomfort to God today, and He revealed so many things that I wasn't aware of. He showed me the sin that I was bearing in my heart. The sin of greed, of becoming too interested in the affairs of winning and losing, i.e. affairs of the world.
He also told me that this is not my team, but His. I am only helping Him look after it. He has the best plans for this team, and whichever oppponent comes our way, be them within our group or not, He will decide what will happen. As long as I don't hold on to the team, He will shower them with His blessings. All that I cling to, I lay at His feet.
Finally, the one last advice He revealed to me, was to "Go Back".
Go back to the scene when I met the players for the first time.
It was a wednesday during OP assessment week last year. There were 4 players who turned up then. Emily, Leena, Shiyun, Audrey. Midzung came later. When I saw Midzung kick a ball for the first time, she was terrible. No touches, no shin pads, no proper boots! Just a clumsy player who didn't know how to play football.
I made them play instep passes who day long and then a short monkey session.
After the training session, I was thinking to myself. "This is terrible. No rapport with the players, their skills cannot make it, their numbers are not enough, is it worth the investment in time to train them?"
And the Lord spoke to me immediately.
"Do not judge, unless you want to be judged as well. If you remain faithful, I will turn them into a great nation!"
Look at my players now. The same clumsy player who I thought could do nothing, beat a defender and keeper and scored today. She was also the one who chased and never gave up.
My DM used to be very quiet, shirked penalty responsibilities, and non-vocal. Now she assumes that she is first in line for a penalty and commands the other players.
Back then I was facing the same ucertainties that I am facing now. Not enough players, not knowing which direction to go, not knowing what to do. I did the right thing then. I trusted the Lord in my time of need. And that got me fired up for the Lord. Now I am going to do the same thing. Just trust in Him and not worry about anything else.
Because I remembered what I said to Him then:
"God I am at a lost. I don't know what I should do. I don't know how things will turn out. I don't know what plans You have for us. I don't expect any results or even participation in the A girls tournament. I sincerely really just want to help these students so that I have something to write in their school graduation cert."
And He told me:
"Don't worry son, you will have bountiful to write in their SGCs, and they will be overflowing with righteousness!"
It was then that I got struck. Their SGCs are what mattered to me. Not results, not A girls, not trophies.
Praise the Lord for revealing what mattered to me most!
And this I thank You in your power and grace, then and now, in Jesus's almighty Name.
Amen!
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Lord bless my football girls
I was very touched by my players today.
Told them to do a 3v3 AvD drill. My captain was full of running. She was so earnest and robust, she took on the whole defence on her own countless times.
Her speed, strength, and footwork has improved tremendously in just over one month. I really couldn't believe it, until I saw for my own eyes!
Even my DM has improved a lot. You look at the way they cheong you know. There was fire in her running. They want to score.
My DC came despite the doc telling her that she has a loose ACL. What else could I expect from her? She is risking their limbs to play!
Somehow, girls (and women) have this stubborn threshold of pain that eclispes boys (and men). They want something so badly, they just endure all pain and push on.
Respect.
I just want to thank God for inheriting this bunch of passionate players, and please bless them with your grace, don't let them get injured.
And of course, bless this team with enough players from the incoming J1 cohort so that we can send an 'A' girls team.
So that their efforts and sacrifices will not be in vain.
So that they can realise their dreams!
Hallelujah!
http://www.imeem.com/sarahgaile08/music/eLqZRl4Z/hillsongs_for_all_youve_done/
Told them to do a 3v3 AvD drill. My captain was full of running. She was so earnest and robust, she took on the whole defence on her own countless times.
Her speed, strength, and footwork has improved tremendously in just over one month. I really couldn't believe it, until I saw for my own eyes!
Even my DM has improved a lot. You look at the way they cheong you know. There was fire in her running. They want to score.
My DC came despite the doc telling her that she has a loose ACL. What else could I expect from her? She is risking their limbs to play!
Somehow, girls (and women) have this stubborn threshold of pain that eclispes boys (and men). They want something so badly, they just endure all pain and push on.
Respect.
I just want to thank God for inheriting this bunch of passionate players, and please bless them with your grace, don't let them get injured.
And of course, bless this team with enough players from the incoming J1 cohort so that we can send an 'A' girls team.
So that their efforts and sacrifices will not be in vain.
So that they can realise their dreams!
Hallelujah!
http://www.imeem.com/sarahgaile08/music/eLqZRl4Z/hillsongs_for_all_youve_done/
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Self-Centeredness
Psalm 10:4-15
4"In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God."
5"His ways are always prosperous; he is haughty and Your laws are far from him; he sneers at all his enemies."
6"He says to himself, "Nothing will shake me; I'll always be happy and never have trouble."
12"Arise, Lord! Lift up Your hand, O God. Do not forget the helpless."
15"Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out."
Lord I pray for You to help me break the most wicked man that I have ever known. He who sinned of being self-centered for all his twenty seven years.
And that man is me.
4"In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God."
5"His ways are always prosperous; he is haughty and Your laws are far from him; he sneers at all his enemies."
6"He says to himself, "Nothing will shake me; I'll always be happy and never have trouble."
12"Arise, Lord! Lift up Your hand, O God. Do not forget the helpless."
15"Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out."
Lord I pray for You to help me break the most wicked man that I have ever known. He who sinned of being self-centered for all his twenty seven years.
And that man is me.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
A Simple Story
Just heard somewhere and would like to share.
Once upon a time there was a man. He didn’t believe in God or Jesus. He would often say, “since god is so almighty and powerful, why did he come down to earth and become a mortal? Isn’t he stupid?” And so he didn’t bother to follow his wife and children to church. His wife got tired of persuading the negative him, and let him be, albeit much disappointment.
One Christmas morning his wife packed their kids in the car and drove off to service, and left him all alone in the house on a cold morning. He was cool about it, and snuggled in the cosy fireplace.
Suddenly, he heard slamming sounds on the window. Upon inspection he realized it was a flock of migratory geese caught in a storm. The geese were swept away from their flight path into the man’s house. The man was upset, and wanted to save them. He used a variety of strategies.
Strategy #1: Mass Appeal
He opened the door of his barn and fluttered his arms wildly like a mad chicken, all in the hope that those geese would fly in. They didn’t.
Strategy #2: Temptation
He placed some food as bait inside the barn. Hoping the geese would buy the trick. They didn’t.
Strategy #3: Brute Force
He picked up a large his fork and tried sweeping all of the into the barn. This only succeeded in scaring them even further. The geese just fluttered around the farm in a wild mess and none got into the barn.
The farmer was lost. He was hurt. He really wanted to save them. Suddenly he thought of a brilliant idea.
Strategy #4:
He picked up a geese which he reared, hung it over his back, and ran through the flock of wild geese. The geese saw one of their kind flying towards safety, and all followed suit into the barn! The man lay seated on the ground, witnessing the sight of the geese flying into his barn. It was then he realized why God wanted to become mortal and walked the earth with man. The man knelt down and gave thanks, and followed his wife and children to church regularly after that!
If the man hadn’t “become” a geese, the rest of the geese wouldn’t have followed him. If God didn’t become a man and suffer with man, man would never have believed Him.
God never tried to appeal to you, never tried to tempt you, never tried to force you to believe in Him. The only way used to convince us was to suffer with us by sending his most precious Son to us, for us, so that we would realize how sinful we are and how righteous He is. (Sending his Son to earth is the same as God “becoming” mortal to suffer with us, because according to John 10:30, “I and the Father are one.”)
How many times in our lives did we respect the army officer who sat down and cleaned the motorbikes with us instead of ordering us to do stuff, the teacher who came down and gave you consultation instead of forever being busy, the boss who would teach you things instead of telling you to do it and expect results?
God gave up something precious to Him for us.
Imagine the feelings of the many parents as they were leaving Tekong ferry terminal on the first day of enlistment of their precious sons. Cannot bear to leave their sons. Most would even want to suffer in the place of their sons.
But all we did was to shame, humiliate, and even slaughter Jesus in His journey to save our souls.
How would the parents, siblings, and friends feel if the PCs, PSs, and Sect Comd were to shame, humiliate, and even slaughter their sons/brothers/friends in the course of training? How would the parents of the recently beaten up SAF recruit feel?
Jesus suffered so much in the hope that we would talk to Him. In the hope that we would ask from Him all that He would gladly give us. In the hope that we would obey His plans and will for us.
Wouldn’t you just hope for someone to walk with you instead of telling what to do?
Mark 6:31
“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”
Aren’t you sick of all the pain in life and its many suffering?
Romans 5:3-4
“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
Aren’t you tired of so much darkness?
John 8:12
“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
Aren’t you tired of being a negative and pessimistic person, always waiting for things to happen, not proactive, not positive in trying to achieve what you want to achieve?
Matthew 7:7
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you"
Disappointed that life does not go well for you, work, love, or health?
1 John 1:15-17
“Do not love the world or anything in the name of the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desire pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”
Lacked some encouragement, assurance, and delight in you, such that it is killing your self-esteem?
Zephaniah 3:17
“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”
So heartbroken that you wanted to cry?
Psalm 147:3
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Actually, all we needed to do is to ask for forgiveness and happiness! That’s all!
Mark 11:24
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
John 16:24
"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."
Because what He wants to give us is something money cannot buy.
John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Ultimately, if we receive all that He wants to give us, the future that He promised is full of hope and light!
John 1:51
“I tell you the truth, you shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man.”
Zephaniah 3:20
“At that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home.”
With this I shall say a prayer for you, since it is by divine appointment that you have stumbled onto this blog entry!
Dear God,
I praise You because of how mighty and loving You are. I want to pray for whoever reads this blog entry. I pray for their well-being, and I hope you would bless them with Your grace, whether they are believers of non-believers. Even if they are non-believers, that does not disqualify them from being Your Children! Some of them might be in deep physical pain, others emotional pain. Please shower them with Your grace and blessings, heal them in Your will, and guide them towards the happiness that he or she is looking for, towards fulfilled lives and satisfaction!
And all these I pray and ask for in Jesus’s name.
Amen.
Would you like to sing this song together?
http://www.imeem.com/jubz/music/BhrAoXs_/hillsong_how_great_is_our_god/
How Great is Our God
The splendor of a King
Clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in Light
And darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end
The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb
Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God.
Once upon a time there was a man. He didn’t believe in God or Jesus. He would often say, “since god is so almighty and powerful, why did he come down to earth and become a mortal? Isn’t he stupid?” And so he didn’t bother to follow his wife and children to church. His wife got tired of persuading the negative him, and let him be, albeit much disappointment.
One Christmas morning his wife packed their kids in the car and drove off to service, and left him all alone in the house on a cold morning. He was cool about it, and snuggled in the cosy fireplace.
Suddenly, he heard slamming sounds on the window. Upon inspection he realized it was a flock of migratory geese caught in a storm. The geese were swept away from their flight path into the man’s house. The man was upset, and wanted to save them. He used a variety of strategies.
Strategy #1: Mass Appeal
He opened the door of his barn and fluttered his arms wildly like a mad chicken, all in the hope that those geese would fly in. They didn’t.
Strategy #2: Temptation
He placed some food as bait inside the barn. Hoping the geese would buy the trick. They didn’t.
Strategy #3: Brute Force
He picked up a large his fork and tried sweeping all of the into the barn. This only succeeded in scaring them even further. The geese just fluttered around the farm in a wild mess and none got into the barn.
The farmer was lost. He was hurt. He really wanted to save them. Suddenly he thought of a brilliant idea.
Strategy #4:
He picked up a geese which he reared, hung it over his back, and ran through the flock of wild geese. The geese saw one of their kind flying towards safety, and all followed suit into the barn! The man lay seated on the ground, witnessing the sight of the geese flying into his barn. It was then he realized why God wanted to become mortal and walked the earth with man. The man knelt down and gave thanks, and followed his wife and children to church regularly after that!
If the man hadn’t “become” a geese, the rest of the geese wouldn’t have followed him. If God didn’t become a man and suffer with man, man would never have believed Him.
God never tried to appeal to you, never tried to tempt you, never tried to force you to believe in Him. The only way used to convince us was to suffer with us by sending his most precious Son to us, for us, so that we would realize how sinful we are and how righteous He is. (Sending his Son to earth is the same as God “becoming” mortal to suffer with us, because according to John 10:30, “I and the Father are one.”)
How many times in our lives did we respect the army officer who sat down and cleaned the motorbikes with us instead of ordering us to do stuff, the teacher who came down and gave you consultation instead of forever being busy, the boss who would teach you things instead of telling you to do it and expect results?
God gave up something precious to Him for us.
Imagine the feelings of the many parents as they were leaving Tekong ferry terminal on the first day of enlistment of their precious sons. Cannot bear to leave their sons. Most would even want to suffer in the place of their sons.
But all we did was to shame, humiliate, and even slaughter Jesus in His journey to save our souls.
How would the parents, siblings, and friends feel if the PCs, PSs, and Sect Comd were to shame, humiliate, and even slaughter their sons/brothers/friends in the course of training? How would the parents of the recently beaten up SAF recruit feel?
Jesus suffered so much in the hope that we would talk to Him. In the hope that we would ask from Him all that He would gladly give us. In the hope that we would obey His plans and will for us.
Wouldn’t you just hope for someone to walk with you instead of telling what to do?
Mark 6:31
“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”
Aren’t you sick of all the pain in life and its many suffering?
Romans 5:3-4
“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
Aren’t you tired of so much darkness?
John 8:12
“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
Aren’t you tired of being a negative and pessimistic person, always waiting for things to happen, not proactive, not positive in trying to achieve what you want to achieve?
Matthew 7:7
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you"
Disappointed that life does not go well for you, work, love, or health?
1 John 1:15-17
“Do not love the world or anything in the name of the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desire pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”
Lacked some encouragement, assurance, and delight in you, such that it is killing your self-esteem?
Zephaniah 3:17
“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”
So heartbroken that you wanted to cry?
Psalm 147:3
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Actually, all we needed to do is to ask for forgiveness and happiness! That’s all!
Mark 11:24
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
John 16:24
"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."
Because what He wants to give us is something money cannot buy.
John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Ultimately, if we receive all that He wants to give us, the future that He promised is full of hope and light!
John 1:51
“I tell you the truth, you shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man.”
Zephaniah 3:20
“At that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home.”
With this I shall say a prayer for you, since it is by divine appointment that you have stumbled onto this blog entry!
Dear God,
I praise You because of how mighty and loving You are. I want to pray for whoever reads this blog entry. I pray for their well-being, and I hope you would bless them with Your grace, whether they are believers of non-believers. Even if they are non-believers, that does not disqualify them from being Your Children! Some of them might be in deep physical pain, others emotional pain. Please shower them with Your grace and blessings, heal them in Your will, and guide them towards the happiness that he or she is looking for, towards fulfilled lives and satisfaction!
And all these I pray and ask for in Jesus’s name.
Amen.
Would you like to sing this song together?
http://www.imeem.com/jubz/music/BhrAoXs_/hillsong_how_great_is_our_god/
How Great is Our God
The splendor of a King
Clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in Light
And darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end
The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb
Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God.
Monday, December 15, 2008
The Season of Giving
Just experienced a very warm gesture last Thursday.
I was supposed to attend a Christmas party the following day, and being the last minute person I am, shopping for a present for the gift exchange only on the day before.
Selecting a present was not as tedious as searching for a place to wrap it. I was fortunate enough to notice a lady wrapping something up as I passed her shop. Without hesitation I went in.
She took some spare wrapping paper and got to work. It was an exquisite job. She deserved a few good dollars for her work.
"Here you go, you don't have to pay!"
Huh? I don't know whether I was stupid or what, but I couldn't understand what she said intially. I just couldn't believe it.
"Are you sure you don't want money for it?"
"Yup. Just treat it as a small gift from me. This is a season of giving. Merry Christmas!"
At that moment, I just couldn't bear to give away the present. It had some genuine love inside. But Keeping it to myself would defeat the purpose of the season of giving, and the lady's intentions.
I just hope the recipient would like it.
Coincidence or otherwise, the recipient declared aloud during the party that she needed what I got for her! It was just so divinely sweet.
I didn't spend much on that present, nor did I receive a very expensive gift either, but I got something that money couldn't buy.
The gift of experiencing true Christmas - The Season of Giving.
I was supposed to attend a Christmas party the following day, and being the last minute person I am, shopping for a present for the gift exchange only on the day before.
Selecting a present was not as tedious as searching for a place to wrap it. I was fortunate enough to notice a lady wrapping something up as I passed her shop. Without hesitation I went in.
She took some spare wrapping paper and got to work. It was an exquisite job. She deserved a few good dollars for her work.
"Here you go, you don't have to pay!"
Huh? I don't know whether I was stupid or what, but I couldn't understand what she said intially. I just couldn't believe it.
"Are you sure you don't want money for it?"
"Yup. Just treat it as a small gift from me. This is a season of giving. Merry Christmas!"
At that moment, I just couldn't bear to give away the present. It had some genuine love inside. But Keeping it to myself would defeat the purpose of the season of giving, and the lady's intentions.
I just hope the recipient would like it.
Coincidence or otherwise, the recipient declared aloud during the party that she needed what I got for her! It was just so divinely sweet.
I didn't spend much on that present, nor did I receive a very expensive gift either, but I got something that money couldn't buy.
The gift of experiencing true Christmas - The Season of Giving.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Football vs Marathon
I never felt comfortable with myself on this day of the year. The day where the marathon's in town. Somehow there is a ego thing in myself telling me to go for my second marathon.
In style.
My first marathon wasn't such a pleasant experience. I vowed to make my second one good. Finish it below 5 hours. But maybe because of such a perfect target that turned me away from it.
Marathons also caused too much trauma to the feet, such that football is affected for a while. It took me half a year to shake off the archilles tendon problem from the first marathon.
But I didn't have time to consider all these this morning. There was an important game that would decide whether our team finishes third in the league. We had to win to leapfrog the current third placed team, who also happened to be our opponents today.
The score went like, 1-0, 1-1, 2-1, 2-2, 3-2 in our favour! We ran out winners!
The goals we conceded were soft. I conceded the first by giving away a penalty.
Second goal was a misjudgement by the keeper. Sigh. Moreover there was less than 5 mins left in the game. The opponents were so relieved and exhilarated to get the equalizer. They congratulated one another and even taunted our manager! (So childish).
We were frustrated. We didn't deserve to lose this game. And we definitely didn't deserve to suffer all their taunts and rough tackles.
In the next attacking move that followed, our attacking mid dispossessed their DM, fed the ball to our striker, who rounded the keeper before an emphatic finish with his left foot into an empty goal!
Everyone was like, crazy after that goal! The scorer was running around with both his fists clenched and raised sky high, my defensive partner was doing some obscene celebration with his crotch (which caught me off guard! I never expected him to be... Alright, never judge a book by its cover in future). Everyone else was crazy! Shouting and screaming and running around like mad men. I could only squat and laughed like mad. The image of his erotic celebration was too much for me to bear.
My manager was cursing, swearing, and taunting at the opponents.
Of course, he attracted enough attention to distract the opponents to continue with the game. They game out in full force to form a circle around him.
A good game ended in a fight, and had to be stopped because of it.
But this was a fantastic game nonetheless, due to the following reasons!
1) Something was at stake (third place and trophy and medals),
2) See-saw game. (Led twice and two equalisers)
3) Emphatic winner on our side, right at the dead.
4) Low class opponents.
5) Match ended up in a fight.
After the game no one went off right away like the usual days. Everyone stayed back to talk about it. We even went for a drink after that.
Now come to think of it. Either way I would have a sense of achievement this morning. If I were to run an marathon, the feeling of finishing 42.195km would be an overwhelming experience, but,
games of today's nature can never be as pre-mediated as a marathon. Marathon is just train and run, push your body to your limits, and you'll finish it. Football is, coping with crisis together, and celebrating together when such an emphatic goal came right at the end!
I'm glad to have been at the game today, and honoured to do the write up for our team, for the weekend warrior section of the Newpaper.
Running is lonely. Football is company.
In style.
My first marathon wasn't such a pleasant experience. I vowed to make my second one good. Finish it below 5 hours. But maybe because of such a perfect target that turned me away from it.
Marathons also caused too much trauma to the feet, such that football is affected for a while. It took me half a year to shake off the archilles tendon problem from the first marathon.
But I didn't have time to consider all these this morning. There was an important game that would decide whether our team finishes third in the league. We had to win to leapfrog the current third placed team, who also happened to be our opponents today.
The score went like, 1-0, 1-1, 2-1, 2-2, 3-2 in our favour! We ran out winners!
The goals we conceded were soft. I conceded the first by giving away a penalty.
Second goal was a misjudgement by the keeper. Sigh. Moreover there was less than 5 mins left in the game. The opponents were so relieved and exhilarated to get the equalizer. They congratulated one another and even taunted our manager! (So childish).
We were frustrated. We didn't deserve to lose this game. And we definitely didn't deserve to suffer all their taunts and rough tackles.
In the next attacking move that followed, our attacking mid dispossessed their DM, fed the ball to our striker, who rounded the keeper before an emphatic finish with his left foot into an empty goal!
Everyone was like, crazy after that goal! The scorer was running around with both his fists clenched and raised sky high, my defensive partner was doing some obscene celebration with his crotch (which caught me off guard! I never expected him to be... Alright, never judge a book by its cover in future). Everyone else was crazy! Shouting and screaming and running around like mad men. I could only squat and laughed like mad. The image of his erotic celebration was too much for me to bear.
My manager was cursing, swearing, and taunting at the opponents.
Of course, he attracted enough attention to distract the opponents to continue with the game. They game out in full force to form a circle around him.
A good game ended in a fight, and had to be stopped because of it.
But this was a fantastic game nonetheless, due to the following reasons!
1) Something was at stake (third place and trophy and medals),
2) See-saw game. (Led twice and two equalisers)
3) Emphatic winner on our side, right at the dead.
4) Low class opponents.
5) Match ended up in a fight.
After the game no one went off right away like the usual days. Everyone stayed back to talk about it. We even went for a drink after that.
Now come to think of it. Either way I would have a sense of achievement this morning. If I were to run an marathon, the feeling of finishing 42.195km would be an overwhelming experience, but,
games of today's nature can never be as pre-mediated as a marathon. Marathon is just train and run, push your body to your limits, and you'll finish it. Football is, coping with crisis together, and celebrating together when such an emphatic goal came right at the end!
I'm glad to have been at the game today, and honoured to do the write up for our team, for the weekend warrior section of the Newpaper.
Running is lonely. Football is company.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Fight to the Death
I've met lots of great lads over the years playing football. They taught me via football, how to be a better person. Some lessons stayed with me, others I ditched, and others I am not even aware existed.
Something recently that reminded stirred anger within myself, anger at myself.
Personally I didn't know LT very well. But he's a born fighter. He had amazing techinque, and also a sense of mind to beat others.
Before he got injured, he was the complete player. Fast, skillful, calm, he could win matches by himself. And he had determination.
After all these years, all the battering on his limbs, he had to call it quits too.
Yet, he put on a jersey when we were down and out. He took so much to score and equalise while I conceded goals to repay that. He stuck his foot in where it hurt while I was scared to make a sliding tackle.
Last weekend I saw how the opponents ganged on him and gave him another crushing tackle. Thank goodness he did not get injured, but, I didn't go in and show them my studs.
I am so fucking pissed off and embarrassed with myself. I had lost it, the single quality that made me a great defender then.
I'm afraid to die now, when I wasn't in the past.
Too much of a camper. Too much of a wimp. I used to think people who go all out without consequences were idiots. Now I learnt to admire them.
I do have planning skills.
Now I need to fight to the end, fight to the death.
Fight to the end to get in the sky!
Fight to the end to find my happiness!
Fight to lift people around me up!
There's no point having a life if you don't fight to the death.
So do you wanna be my friend?
Something recently that reminded stirred anger within myself, anger at myself.
Personally I didn't know LT very well. But he's a born fighter. He had amazing techinque, and also a sense of mind to beat others.
Before he got injured, he was the complete player. Fast, skillful, calm, he could win matches by himself. And he had determination.
After all these years, all the battering on his limbs, he had to call it quits too.
Yet, he put on a jersey when we were down and out. He took so much to score and equalise while I conceded goals to repay that. He stuck his foot in where it hurt while I was scared to make a sliding tackle.
Last weekend I saw how the opponents ganged on him and gave him another crushing tackle. Thank goodness he did not get injured, but, I didn't go in and show them my studs.
I am so fucking pissed off and embarrassed with myself. I had lost it, the single quality that made me a great defender then.
I'm afraid to die now, when I wasn't in the past.
Too much of a camper. Too much of a wimp. I used to think people who go all out without consequences were idiots. Now I learnt to admire them.
I do have planning skills.
Now I need to fight to the end, fight to the death.
Fight to the end to get in the sky!
Fight to the end to find my happiness!
Fight to lift people around me up!
There's no point having a life if you don't fight to the death.
So do you wanna be my friend?
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Football Inspiration
Last friday I went for a goalkeeping workshop organised by East Zone COE. Wonder why on earth would an outfield player would attend a goalkeeper's course.
Of course, I had to learn something abotu goalkeeping because there are no goalkeeping coaches in school.
The instructor was a middle aged man. He put on a collar shirt with a Singapore crest on it. I thought that was the standard practice on all FAS staffs' outfits.
"Good morning gentlemen, I am Bee Seng."
Oh my God! Lee Bee Seng! The national goalkeeping coach! Today's my lucky day!
Though he didn't really go through a lot of content with us, I think I got inspired by what he could do at his age.
I always thought football is for lads in their twenties. Once past 30, I should hang up my boots.
Lee Bee Seng showed us otherwise.
He was good. The way he fed the balls to the young lions keeper was so... Undescribable.
"Foot!"
"Hip!"
"Chest!"
"Head!"
Wherever he said it, the ball got to the exact body part of the keeper. The way he struck the ball was so crisp, so accurate. It's amazing. Not everyone at my age could do that. To be true, age does not play a factor in ball skills.
How he take his shots was even more incredible! Alright, maybe I had been a frog in a well. Never managed to see high level football in such close contact before. But, the way he struck the ball was so amazing. Power and accuracy into one...
I didn't learn a lot about goalkeeping on that day honestly, but I did realise that if you want to be good, any day would do.
And that influenced how I played my football today.
Two shimmies that made the defender stay on his feet. One instep push that got me into space. One through ball between two defenders. Of course, one first time shot with my left foot that ended up as powerful low drive into the net.
As much as I hated to say the following words, but today warrants them.
I am Good.
Of course, I had to learn something abotu goalkeeping because there are no goalkeeping coaches in school.
The instructor was a middle aged man. He put on a collar shirt with a Singapore crest on it. I thought that was the standard practice on all FAS staffs' outfits.
"Good morning gentlemen, I am Bee Seng."
Oh my God! Lee Bee Seng! The national goalkeeping coach! Today's my lucky day!
Though he didn't really go through a lot of content with us, I think I got inspired by what he could do at his age.
I always thought football is for lads in their twenties. Once past 30, I should hang up my boots.
Lee Bee Seng showed us otherwise.
He was good. The way he fed the balls to the young lions keeper was so... Undescribable.
"Foot!"
"Hip!"
"Chest!"
"Head!"
Wherever he said it, the ball got to the exact body part of the keeper. The way he struck the ball was so crisp, so accurate. It's amazing. Not everyone at my age could do that. To be true, age does not play a factor in ball skills.
How he take his shots was even more incredible! Alright, maybe I had been a frog in a well. Never managed to see high level football in such close contact before. But, the way he struck the ball was so amazing. Power and accuracy into one...
I didn't learn a lot about goalkeeping on that day honestly, but I did realise that if you want to be good, any day would do.
And that influenced how I played my football today.
Two shimmies that made the defender stay on his feet. One instep push that got me into space. One through ball between two defenders. Of course, one first time shot with my left foot that ended up as powerful low drive into the net.
As much as I hated to say the following words, but today warrants them.
I am Good.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
希望の灯り
I had trudged through the forums a bit these days, and after reading all those posts, it did got me motivated and discouraged regularly. These are the few facts that I gathered.
Fact 1: Cost of flight training with MFA is RM180,000!
Fact 2: Cost of training with STATA is USD80,000!
It's crazy, really.
Fact 3: There are currently 200 over CPL/IR holders in malaysia who are not employed in the airlines. They are either not interested or not successful with the airlines.
Fact 4: There are a thousand pilots out of job in France.
Fact 5: There will be a shortage of pilots by 2025?
Self-sponsored pilots do not have much chance... Most airlines will only consider ATPL holders with 1500 hours or more. STATA training and all other flight schools will offer at most up to 200 plus hours. Why spend so much time and money just to improve your MSFS skills?
Sigh. This dream is getting more and more unrealistic.
I did an evaluation on myself too, and these are my strengths and weaknesses.
1) I do have good grades, 'O's, 'A's, and uni. Did physics as well.
2) I am not young.
3) I do not know a lot of aircrafts yet.
4) I am working on my attitude in life.
From all of the above, the only way left is just to apply directly to the cadet pilot programme. That seems to be the only way out. The rest are simply not realistic.
No matter what, I can always take up private flying. I believe I still have the savings to pull it off.
Either way, it'll be an experience of a lifetime.
Fact 1: Cost of flight training with MFA is RM180,000!
Fact 2: Cost of training with STATA is USD80,000!
It's crazy, really.
Fact 3: There are currently 200 over CPL/IR holders in malaysia who are not employed in the airlines. They are either not interested or not successful with the airlines.
Fact 4: There are a thousand pilots out of job in France.
Fact 5: There will be a shortage of pilots by 2025?
Self-sponsored pilots do not have much chance... Most airlines will only consider ATPL holders with 1500 hours or more. STATA training and all other flight schools will offer at most up to 200 plus hours. Why spend so much time and money just to improve your MSFS skills?
Sigh. This dream is getting more and more unrealistic.
I did an evaluation on myself too, and these are my strengths and weaknesses.
1) I do have good grades, 'O's, 'A's, and uni. Did physics as well.
2) I am not young.
3) I do not know a lot of aircrafts yet.
4) I am working on my attitude in life.
From all of the above, the only way left is just to apply directly to the cadet pilot programme. That seems to be the only way out. The rest are simply not realistic.
No matter what, I can always take up private flying. I believe I still have the savings to pull it off.
Either way, it'll be an experience of a lifetime.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Dreams and their Costs
Felt quite demoralised reading this section of an aviation forum:
"Those rejected, please dont be upset. There are other airlines out there that may accept you (If you have ATPL and CPL/IR). Personally I feel if you have the determination, you will find your dream job in the cockpit.
However if you have spare cash and willing to go the alternative route http://www.mfa.edu.my/MFA-2006-April-10-CPLIR-Direct.pdf. But be prepared to spend at least SGD$80K to get the ATPL. Then again as a pilot with in the airline you will earn those money back in no time."
I believe that's the normal cost of an ATPL. Even a PPL costs around $30k. Two steps up the ladder (CPL/IR and ATPL) wouldn't cost less than a PPL.
How to come up with $80k? I might as well rob a bank. And by the time I really save up to $80k, I'lll be too old.
Life's never fair. If only I had a sugar daddy.
Sometimes, I'll just get so demoralised and upset after reading these forums. Not enough money, not enough aptitude, eye sight not enough. Too negative. too much worries on the people participating in these forums.
Sometimes I really felt I'm real naive. But yet again, the line between a naive person and a dreamer is very thin. Dreams are not easily achieved ideals anyway. If they were such easily achieved, they wouldn't be called dreams.
But, are you happy with being comfortable and stable all your life/ Are you happy with not steppoing out of the comfort zone for even once? Are you comfortable with not having seen thwe world and not having experienced something exhilarating before?
Have you ever felt really alive?
I'll take things one step at a time. Right now let's look forward to recreational flying.
May the Lord bless my eyes 5 months later with a class 2 medical!
Short term goal: Weekends up in the skies!
"Those rejected, please dont be upset. There are other airlines out there that may accept you (If you have ATPL and CPL/IR). Personally I feel if you have the determination, you will find your dream job in the cockpit.
However if you have spare cash and willing to go the alternative route http://www.mfa.edu.my/MFA-2006-April-10-CPLIR-Direct.pdf. But be prepared to spend at least SGD$80K to get the ATPL. Then again as a pilot with in the airline you will earn those money back in no time."
I believe that's the normal cost of an ATPL. Even a PPL costs around $30k. Two steps up the ladder (CPL/IR and ATPL) wouldn't cost less than a PPL.
How to come up with $80k? I might as well rob a bank. And by the time I really save up to $80k, I'lll be too old.
Life's never fair. If only I had a sugar daddy.
Sometimes, I'll just get so demoralised and upset after reading these forums. Not enough money, not enough aptitude, eye sight not enough. Too negative. too much worries on the people participating in these forums.
Sometimes I really felt I'm real naive. But yet again, the line between a naive person and a dreamer is very thin. Dreams are not easily achieved ideals anyway. If they were such easily achieved, they wouldn't be called dreams.
But, are you happy with being comfortable and stable all your life/ Are you happy with not steppoing out of the comfort zone for even once? Are you comfortable with not having seen thwe world and not having experienced something exhilarating before?
Have you ever felt really alive?
I'll take things one step at a time. Right now let's look forward to recreational flying.
May the Lord bless my eyes 5 months later with a class 2 medical!
Short term goal: Weekends up in the skies!
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Football again.
Had fun today. It had been a while since I played football. In fact, this was the first time I played football since I did lasik.
Ran my heart out. Glad didn't have any injuries. Got out muscled by some players, but some my footwork is still around.
Need to work on my fitness and strength. I can't take on players yet.
Ran my heart out. Glad didn't have any injuries. Got out muscled by some players, but some my footwork is still around.
Need to work on my fitness and strength. I can't take on players yet.
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